Netflix is pushing
The Tourist at me: a guy wakes up in the Australian outback with no memory and someone trying to kill him. I am 100% sure that his main ally will be a woman, not a man; same-sex pairs are absolutely forbidden in action-adveture tv series. But Jamie Dornan is cute, so let's see how long it takes for him to meet the Girl of His Dreams. I'll go minute by minute instead of scene by scene.
Minute 1: The Tourist is driving through the Australian outback, where it's 100 km to the nearest gas station and you don't see another car for days. He stops for gas. There's a humorous bit where the Gas Station Guy, Jasper Bagg, insists that everyone sign the restroom key out, because otherwise they'll drive off with it. Tourist points out that he could still drive off with it, and gets stared at.
Top photo: Jason Bagg with wings. There's a nude shot of him tied up in a car on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends, with the testicles of the guy next to him.
Minute 3: Through the empty outback. Uh-oh, a truck is chasing the Tourist. A road rage incident? He cuts across to a grove of trees, stalling the truck, and continues on his way.
Whoops -- the truck got extricated and smashes into the Tourist. The car flips over several times. He's dead!
Minute 8: The Tourist, Jamie Dornan, awakens in a hospital bed. A lilting female voice tells him that he's in Cooper Springs Hospital (fictitious), he was in a car crash, and the cops found no phone or id on him. Is there anyone they can call: "Parent, partner, friend?"
At least she says "partner" instead of "wife," but I'll bet she's the Girl.No, we never see her. We go directly to a MRI. It's loud, so is there any music he would like to listen to? He requests "If I Didn't Care," although he doesn't remember what it is.
Minute 11: Probationary Constable Helen interviews him, and is shocked to find that he remembers nothing about his life. Not The Girl: she seems more like the ditzy comic relief.
She tracked down his license plate -- his car was registered to a Jessica Smith, but he just bought it from her a week ago, right off the street, and paid cash, so she's no help. There was a note in his pocket: "Burnt Ridge, Gloria's Diner, 26th, 2:30 pm, Table 5" Burnt Ridge is 50 km away, and tomorrow is the 26th, so...
Minute 16: On the way home, Helen stops at Ronny's for a chicken-burger, Meanwhile, Tourist wants to go outside, so an attendant puts him in a wheelchair and takes him down, then abandons him. He wheels himself inside, but can't remember what floor he's on.
He gets off anyway, and wheels through the deserted hallways, getting more and more desperate, until Roy by the Lift, Darsh Tiwali, comes to his rescue and wheels him to the right room. Not the Man of His Dreams -- Tourist barely looks at him.
More after the break
Minute 21: We learn why Helen stopped for a chicken burger. Her somewhat needy boyfriend, Ólafur Darri Ólafsson ("You're spending all your time at work, and ignoring me!") has prepared avocado and roast beetroot. At least he acknowledges that it's horrid. They practice dancing in preparation for their upcoming wedding.
Minute 23: A man wakes up in a box, buried alive. He uses his cigarette lighter for light and yells "Let me out." Then the lighter goes out, leaving him in darkness. Ulp. The camera moves above ground: he's in the desert, next to what looks like a car and a bus.
Minute 24: The next morning, still using crutches, The Tourist wants to check himself out, against the doctors' advice. Helen tries to talk him out of it, but that 2:30 meeting is his only chance of learning who he is. She gives him some money for a bus ticket.
Across the outback again to Burnt Ridge, run-down, with dirt streets, wooden sidewalks, boarded-up storefronts. Probably an old mining town, now mostly abandoned. Carol's Diner is empty, probably because they had the "Closed" sign up. All day? The Tourist asks for Table 5, and is directed to a booth by the window.
The elderly waitress likes his Irish accent, and asks what he's doing all the way out in the Outback. He starts to tell her.
Minute 28. In the kitchen, the cook, Luci, is working on his pancakes.
She's the Girl. I called it. Elderly Waitress tells her about the bloke's lost memory: "He's either two sausages short of a breakfast, or he's having a laugh." But Luci stares at him -- ignoring his pancakes!
Gazing lustfully, she brings him his water, and asks if it's true. She sits down to help herself to the gossip -- what about his order, girl?
He has to go the bathroom, but theirs is broken, so they use the home of the elderly couple across the street. Luci offers to walk him over. On the way, the diner blows up! Someone was planning to kill him at 2:30! Don't worry, the Elderly Waitress is fine.
Minute 31: Helen and the Boyfriend are at a Trim Team meeting, which seems like Overeaters Anonymous. She discusses her problem trying to lose weight, when everybody shames her for body shaming. You're supposed to "love your lard." She is interrupted by Sgt. Lammon, Kamil Ellis: they found a camera at the Tourist's crash site.
Meanwhile, The Tourist and The Girl hang out at the bar across the street, wondering why someone wants to kill him. Then she drives him to a bed-and-breakfast run by a dotty elderly couple who want to discuss Australian Survivor. The lady gives him a hug, and he starts crying. Well, it's been a long two days.
Minute 38: The Buried Man is trying to break open his casket with his belt buckle. I read that you only have about 20 minutes, unless the air is being recycled somehow. He has a cell phone, but it's impossible to reach.
Meanwhile, Helen the Cop calls the Tourist about the camera they found. She's accessed the photos, and sends them to him using the Dotty Old Lady's email, to see if they jog a memory.
Dotty Old Lady recognizes the photos: The Nala Stone Men, a fictitious stone circle with vaguely anthropomorphic figures about 10 km from Burnt Ridge. She offers to take him in the morning.
Minute 42: Ethan Krum, played by Greg Larsen, "one of Australia's fattest and funniest comedians," brngs flowers for the bloke who lost his memory. Told that he checked himself out yesterday, he leaves, but won't give the nurse his name and number.
Minute 44: The Tourist awakens in bed, while a middle-aged woman listed on the IMDB as Cath opens the blinds and gazes lustfully at him.
A memory coming back: S
he must be his dead wife. Cut to the Dotty Old Lady and her husband driving him to the Nala Stone Men.
They don't jog any memories, but the gift shop has video surveillance to prevent shoplifting. Maybe he's on film? He asks the gift shop guy, Brett Blake, and gets snubbed, until he explains that he has amnesia: "Dude, that's awesome!"
Yep, he's there on the day of the accident: he browses, buys a fluffy koala, and asks directions to the nearest gas station.
Minute 50: Next stop: the gas station from Minute 1, where you had to sign for the toilet key! Darn, he signed as Crocodile Dundee.
He checks the toilet itself for clues. Hey, there's the fluffy koala he bought, behind the dumpster.
Minute 53: The Girl at her trailer, drinking a beer. The's listening to "If I Didn't Care," which the Tourist asked for during his MRI. She looks at some photos of them both hugging and grinning in a lot of different locales. They were dating for awhile! So why didn't she say so? She deletes them all.
Meanwhile, the fluffy koala starts to ring -- there's a cell phone hidden inside. The Tourist answers: it's the Buried Guy. "Help me!" The end.
Beefcake: The Tourist takes his shirt off once.
Heterosexism: Several heterosexual couples.
Gay Characters: None that I could find.
Update: In Episode 2, the Tourist wonders if anyone is waiting for him: "parents, girlfriend, boyfriend, hungry dog." So either he's bisexual or he doesn't remember if he's gay or straight. I would think you could tell by looking at the hospital staff.
Will I Keep Watching: Maybe. There are some interesting humorous bits, the Nala Stone Men suggest a paranormal explanation, and I like the desert setting. Not a moment of buddy-bonding so far, but maybe that will change in future episodes.
See also: The Sinner, Episode 3.1: The Sinner says that it's Northern Territory of Australia to mess with you.
Workaholics, Episode 5.1: Blake pretends to be Australian to audition for Hamlet.
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