NYSocBoy's Beefcake and Bonding

Born in 1986, Jamie Bell first gained the attention of gay viewers with Billy Elliot (2000), about a boy who wants to become a ballet dancer in spite of the disapproval of his working-class British family, friends, and entire community. They think dancing is for poofs (only his gay friend supports him). (Later it was made into Billy Elliot: The Musical).

Nicholas Nickleby (2002) upped the homoeroticism of the original Dickens novel, giving Nicholas (Charlie Hunnan) and abused classmate Smike (Jamie) an overtly romantic bond.

Undertow (2004) was a change of pace, transporting Jamie from Britain to rural Georgia. But he got to keep the thin, sickly look to play Chris Munn, who has to flee into the woods with his younger brother (Devon Allen) to escape a murderous uncle (Josh Lucas). The buddy-bonding here is between brothers, but at least Jamie hangs out in his underwear.

I haven't seen Dear Wendy (2004), but it seems to be a dark fable about boys, guns, and friendship. Or The Chumscrubber (2005), but it seems to be the same, except with drugs instead of guns, and with nudity.

But I did see Tintin (2011), the animated version of the famous comic strip, which doesn't skimp on the homoromance between Tintin and Captain Haddock.

More recently, Jamie has bulked up so he can display a muscular physique in actioners like The Eagle (2011), in which Roman soldier Marcus Aquila (Channing Tatum) and his boyfriend/slave Esca (Jamie) wander barbarian Europe in search of a lost golden emblem.

With all the gay-friendly content, you'd expect Jamie to be used to gay rumors. But he finds them surprising and "weird," since none of his characters is actually Wearing a Sign. Still, he got t a familial connection to the LGBT community when he married the bisexual Rachel Evan Wood.

West Hollywood, Spring 1990

Lane and I have been dating for almost a year. Almost every night, he stays over in my house near Sunset and San Vicente, or I stay over in his apartment on Hacienda, about five blocks away.

But we still cruise. On Friday and Saturday nights, if we don't have a dinner or party to go to, we go to Mugi or to the Faultline.

On Sunday afternoons we go to the beer/soda bust at the Faultline.

Of course, we never bring anyone home directly from the bar. Only disgusting sleazoids stoop to hooking up, or what we call "tricking. When we meet someone, we make a date with him for 3-4 days later, then go out to dinner or to a movie, and finally, bring him home to "share."

Tonight I have a sore shoulder, and I don't feel like cruising. After dinner I tell Lane that I just want to stay in and watch tv.

"Do you mind if I go out by myself?" Lane asks. "I'll come over afterwards to spend the night."

"Only if you bring me something," I say. "Or somebody," I add as a joke.

He drives off at 9:30 pm, after the Golden Girls. I watch tv, read a book.

The rest of the story, with nude photos and sexual situations, is on Tales of West Hollywood.

Bobby Darin (1936-1973) grew up in East Harlem, New York. His first foray into the music business was as a songwriter, paired with future radio great Don Kirshner. But he hit the big time in 1958 with "Splish Splash" (I Was Taking a Bath), a humorous take on the teen dance crazes of the era.

Splish, splash, I was taking a bath
On about a Saturday night

Bing, bang
I saw the whole gang
Dancin' on my living room rug.
Flip flop
They was doin' the bop
All the teens had the dancin' bug.

He illustrated the song with a nude, censored photo of himself in the shower, a rarity in 1958.

More songs, humorous, romantic, and just weird, appeared, six albums in 1960 alone. Perhaps the weirdest is "Mack the Knife," about a murderer:

Now on the sidewalk, sunny morning,
Lies a body just oozin' life,
And someone's sneakin''round the corner
Could that someone be Mack the Knife?

Well, at least it's not heterosexist.

In the 1960s Bobby moved into moved into jazz, country-western, and folk, became a dramatic actor, and ran a successful music publishing company.

In 1960 he married Sandra Dee, the star of Gidget (1959), a gay icon and role model to young lesbians of the era, here being wooed by James Darin (no relation) and some other beach hunks.

The couple divorced in 1967, leaving a son, Dodd.

Bobby was married again, briefly, in 1973.

He was politically liberal, and heavily involved in the campaign to elect Robert F. Kennedy as president.

There's not much evidence of Bobby being gay in real life. The 2004 biopic Beyond the Sea, starring Kevin Spacey, contains a few gay jokes:

Sandra tells Bobby that if he thinks acting is so easy, he should try kissing Troy Donahue (who was rumored to be gay). Bobby smiles, as if he's considering it.

But that may be a take on the gay rumors of Kevin Spacey himself.

On the other hand, most of Bobby's songs drop pronouns, and could apply equally to male and female lovers:

You're the reason I'm living
You're the breath that I take
You're the stars in my heaven
You're the sun when I wake.

The nude photo is on Tales of West Hollywood.

See also: Ricky Nelson

I read somewhere that the number of shop classes in elementary and high schools has dropped 75% during the last 20 years.

This is a cause for celebration. Shop class was the biggest trauma of junior high.

Washington Junior High was segregated by gender. All girls had to take home economics, to prepare them for their future as housewives, and all boys had to take woodshop, to prepare them for their future as...um...carpenters?

It was horrible. The "teacher," Mr. Worse Than Hitler, was the nastiest, meanest, most despicable martinet who ever lived. You tried to be as quiet and inobtrusive as possible: if he noticed you, he would criticize you, call you stupid, berate you for having a "smart mouth." And God forbid those times he walked around the class.

Head down, hands at your side, no eye contact.

Like being in prison. No, worse.

And what, exactly, did Mr. Worse Than Hitler teach?

If I taught a shop class, I would start off by explaining what the various tools were called and what they were used for. Maybe some safety tips.

Then the types of wood, what each was used for.

Demonstrate some simple projects.

Explain how this stuff would be useful to us in the future.

Nope -- he just let us loose: "The tools are over there -- the wood is over there. Go to it."

I had no idea what to do, and I didn't dare ask Mr. Worse Than Hitler. He would glare at me, call me stupid, or give me detention for having a "smart mouth."

Finally I figured it out -- I was already supposed to know all about working with tools. All boys were. It was part of our DNA.

Claiming ignorance about something that was innate? You might as well claim that you didn't like sports, or girls.

There were no tests, quizzes, or graded projects. But still, I got a D- for the semester.

Plus detention four times.
1. Not keeping my eyes lowered when Mr. Worse Than Hitler walked by.
2. Hammering a nail wrong.
3.-4. Just because he felt like it.

But there was a bright side.

Washington Junior High was also segregated by social class. Middle class kids, got college-preparatory science, math, English, and foreign languages.

Working class kids were channeled into remedial English, bonehead science, and "business math."

The only time we saw each other was in the classes required for everyone: gym, woodshop, and metal shop.

Wild, surly boys from the "wrong side" of 18th Avenue, wearing tight jeans and shirts with three buttons unbuttoned, smelling of their older brothers' cologne.

Italians and Greeks with thick biceps and big hands and dark slick-backed hair.

The only black kid at Washington, tall, lithe, with an enormous Afro that he combed constantly.

Catholic boys, future priests wearing scapulars.

Hints of transgression, lawbreaking, sexual profligacy.

It was almost worth the daily trauma of Mr. Worse Than Hitler.

But I still run fast in the opposite direction whenever I am asked to do something involving hammers, nails, or screwdrivers.

See also: What is Gym Class For?

In the science fiction thriller Gattaca (1997), young Vincent (Mason Gamble) is "different,""inferior" in a society of genetically engineered supermen. He excels anyway, besting his brother Anton (Chad Christ) at a swimming contest and longing to participate in an elite space-exploration program that's open only to the genetically superior.

Obvious gay symbolism -- the "inferior" outsider who longs to be a real boy. Plus bonding: when Vincent grows into an adult (Ethan Hawke), he "borrows" the DNA of crippled athlete Jerome (Jude Law), and rather overtly falls in love with him.

Throughout his career, Mason Gamble has played outsiders who challenge heterosexist strictures. At age six-and-a-half, he beat out 20,000 hopefuls for the role of Davis the Menace in the feature film (1993), which, challenges the myth of the heterosexual nuclear family, the tight triad of Dad-Mom-Kids that is presumably all you need and will ever need, until the Kids grow up, marry, and form Dad-Mom-Kids triads of their own.

In the myth of the heterosexual family, other friends are irrelevant, other relatives unwelcome intrusions, and strangers malicious (as we see in the MGM Tarzan series). But even more than in the comic strip and television versions, Davis seeks out emotional connection outside, with Joey, with Margaret, and with Mr. Wilson. Not romantic bonds, certainly, but nevertheless bonds which, according to the myth, do not and cannot exist.

In Rushmore (1998), Mason plays Dirk, a shy, quiet outsider who is drawn to the eccentric high schooler Max (Jason Schwartzman). Max is aggressively heterosexual, dating two older teachers (in a modern update of the 1980s "sex with the babysitter" genre), but Dirk is not. They quarrel, plot acts of revenge against each other, and finally reconcile.

A Gentleman's Game (2002) is about a teenage golf caddy (Mason) who discovers a dark sexual secret (not that dark secret) involving his best friend, and meanwhile tries to hide his interest in golf pro Foster Pearce (Gary Sinise).

Now tall, slim, and square-jawed, Mason still acts occasionally, while working toward a degree in marine biology.

Long Island, Spring 2000

When I was a graduate student at Long Island University, New York, I wanted a sausage sighting of Dr. Chester, a former professional wrestler who taught the history and sociology of sports.

He was in his 50s, massive, with a huge barrel chest, a bull neck, gigantic wrists and hands. Unfortunately, he wore a business suite, uncharacteristic for college professors, with slacks that hung straight down and didn't offer a bulge.

He had a wife and kids, so he probably wouldn't be asking me for a date, or showing up at Ravi's Bear Parties on Long Island.

He didn't use the campus gym.

He never taught classes at any time convenient for "accidentally" using the fourth floor restroom.

Then, one day in April 2000, late in the afternoon, I was on my way out of the Social Science Building to meet Yuri for dinner. I didn't really have to go, but I decided to do a pre-emptive, just in case.

I unlocked the outside door walked through the swinging security door into the faculty men's room. It was very small, really only big enough for one person, with a toilet stall and a single urinal right next to the sink. And there, at the urinal, was Dr. Chester.

The rest of the post is on Tales of West Hollywood

I've never understood the comedy of the early 20th century, whether it's comic strips, silent movies, or the short stories of P.G. Wodehouse. Maybe it's the cultural barrier.

Silent movies, especially: in the absence of substantial dialogue, they make do with slapstick, which is basically people falling down and getting hit by things.

Buster Keaton (1895-1966) was one of the great comedians of the silent film era, taking limitless abuse without comment, his "Stone Face" expressionless or grim.

Although he was rather raw-boned and ugly, he had a respectable physique for the period, and was not shy about taking his clothes off.

His films tend to be heterosexist boy-gets-girl vehicles.

Sherlock Jr. (1924) is about a mild-mannered film projectionist who becomes a sleuth to track down the thief who stole his girlfriend's father's prized watch (it's the local studmuffin).

The General (1926) is about a railroad engineer during the Civil War who is too much of a weakling to join the Union army. He routes the Confederates anyway, becoming a war hero. It ends with a famous scene where Keaton is trying to kiss his girlfriend, but has to continually salute passing troops.

Battling Butler (1926) is about a sissified rich kid who tries to get the girl by pretending to be a macho fighter, the "Battling Butler." He manages to best his opponent, the "Alabama Murderer," by being sneaky.

Steamboat Bill, Jr. (1928) is about a collegiate nerd who disappoints his macho father by falling in love with Dad's business rival; it ends with a famous scene in which Keaton proposes to his girlfriend as they're floating around in lifebuoys.

Not a lot of buddy-bonding: in fact, other men are portrayed as oily competitors for the girl or as big, menacing brutes.

But still, Keaton was apparently quite popular among the gay men of the 1920s.

They identified with his characters, butterfly-collecting sissies, beanie-wearing nerds who save the day in spite of their lack of machismo.

And his many shirtless shots didn't hurt.

Keaton continued to perform in comedy shorts into the talking-picture era, and was a recognizable screen and tv presence through the 1950s. In the 1960s, he had ongoing roles in Frankie and Annette's beach movies, an elder statesman reveling in the antics of youth.

See also: Beach Movies; The Collegians

The oldest of a show biz family (his brothers are Shaun, Patrick, and Ryan), David Cassidy got his start on The Partridge Family (1970-74), about a family of pop singers who tour the country in a psychedelic bus (Danny Bonaduce played his younger brother). It aired on Friday nights in a block of gay teen "Must See TV," including The Brady Bunch, Room 222, and The Odd Couple.

His character, Keith Partridge, was interested in girls, but never portrayed as a absurdly girl-crazy, like most teenagers on prime-time in the 1970s. And, although pop superstars were presumably dream dates for every girl on earth, Keith frequently encountered girls who disliked pop music, who had never heard of his group, or who simply did not find him attractive. This self-deferential parody, a teen idol who can’t get a date, destabilized the myth of universal heterosexual desire; if some girls are not attracted to Keith, perhaps some boys are.

In “Days of Acne and Roses” (November 1971), Keith teaches a shy delivery boy named Wendell (Jay Ripley) how to date girls. He demonstrates the “yawn, stretch, and arm around” maneuver on Wendell, and then pretends to be a girl so that Wendell can practice his pick-up lines. Keith is remarkably unself-conscious about the physical contact and the mock flirtation, and he is not the least worried about someone overhearing and thinking that he is gay. When most of his fellow television teens recoiled in heart-pounding terror at a buddy’s touch, Keith’s nonchalance seems aggressively gay-friendly.

The teen magazines went wild with shirtless, swimsuit, and towel-shots, revealing David's slim, androgynous body, but in this case they were justified in praising his talent: his music was good.

And gay-friendly. Songs credited to The Partridge Family (studio musicians except for David and his mother, Shirley Jones) almost entirely eliminated the incessant “girl!” that deadened most bubblegum pop lyrics in the 1970s. In the emblematic “I Think I Love You,” David awakens to the disturbing realization that he is in love:

I just decided to myself, I'd hide it from myself
And never talk about it, and [so I] didn't go and shout it
When you walked in to the room.

Why does he “never talk about it”? Heterosexual teenagers in love do nothing but talk about it. In 1971 I concluded that there must be something more to “a love there is no cure for,” perhaps a love that dares not speak its name.

David’s solo numbers also eliminate almost all gender-specific pronoun or refrainsof “girl!” For instance in“Where is the Morning,” he laments a failed hookup that could be with either a boy or a girl:

I can’t sleep tonight. I found someone.
You smiled at me and said you were free. And I was alone.

Would you meet me again?

My friend Derek claimed to have dated him, but David doesn't mention any same-sex relationships in his memoirs, C’mon, Get Happy (1994).

He does graciously acknowledges his appeal to gay boys: “I had a pretty strong gay following. I kind of liked it. Gay publications ran pictures of me; I was named gay pinup of the year by one. I’d get fan letters from gay guys saying things like ‘I can tell by the look in your eyes that you’re one of us.’”

And in a sense, he was “one of us,” an ally, demonstrating that same-sex desire was not only possible, but valid and worthwhile.

Today David lives in Las Vegas. He is still writing songs, still performing, for audiences of both men and women.

See also: Derek and the Pop Star.

In the gay neighborhoods of West Hollywood and San Francisco, not so much in New York or Florida, everyone had a celebrity dating or hookup story. Here are the most famous or most believable I've heard.

I'm making no claims about the sexual orientation of any of these celebrities except #1 and #10. Some of the stories are probably exaggerations, a non-romantic lunch becoming a romantic date, a casual meeting becoming a vigorous all-night orgy. Some are probably pure inventions.

1 Cesar Romero (1907-1994) 1940s heartthrob and the Joker on the old Batman tv series. My boyfriend Lane hooked up with him in the early 1990s. When he told the story, Adam West (Batman) and Burt Ward (Robin) were in the mix.

2. President Ronald Reagan (1911-2004) He was just a local radio announcer when Oscar, the retired set designer from Des Moines, claims that they dated. The biographical details check out.

3. Tony Randall (1920-2004) star of the Odd Couple (1968-1975). Marcus, the first person I met in West Hollywood, said that they met through a mutual friend, and hooked up in a hotel in Westwood. Marcus was in the industry, and introduced me to several celebrities, including Michael J. Fox and Robin Williams, but there's no evidence that Tony Randall was gay.

4. Tony Curtis (1925-2010), the movie star who went in drag for Some Like It Hot (1959). Drake, the leather teddy bear artist of South of Market, claimed to have tricked with him when he was starring in Trapeze (1956), about a circus love triangle. Tony Curtis was married to women five times, but his androgynous prettyboy looks made him the subject of many gay rumors in the 1950s.

5. Dick Sargeant (1930-1994), Cary Grant (1904-1986), and Groucho Marx (1890-1988), all on the same night, in the same bed! In 1958, when he was a teenage navy recruit, Randall (the bear with the pierced penis) told us that he hooked up with Dick Sargent (future star of Bewitched), who took him to a gay party. There Groucho and Cary both invited him home. They compromised.

6. Richard Chamberlain (1934-) The now-out star of Shogun (1980) and I competed over Thanh, the Vietnamese grad student, one night at Mugi. Thanh and I dated once, and then became friends. He immediately sought out Chamberlain for a dinner-and-bedroom date.

7. Peter Fonda (1940-), actor and political activist. This is actually a buffed model representing his iconic role in Easy Rider (1969). Will, the Bondage Boy with the Sweeney Todd fetish, told us that they hooked up at a bath house in Mexico in 1978. Fonda, who has been married three times, has been the subject of gay rumors.

8. David Cassidy (1950-) teen idol and star of The Partridge Family (1970-1974). My housemate Derek, a former fitness model, told us about a romantic weekend of motorcycling through Wales with him in 1974. At that time David Cassidy was the most famous pop star in the world. If it really happened, why is there no news coverage?

9. Mark Hamill (1951-), the iconic Luke Skywalker of Star Wars (1977). He's done a lot of theater, too. He was starring in The Nerd on Broadway in 1987, when Blake the Opera Buff said that they met and went out on several dates. Hamill is not out, but there has been a lot of speculation about his sexual identity.

10. Dan Butler (1954-), who played the ultra-macho sports announcer Bulldog on Frazier (1993-2004). Marshall the Virgin dated him several times shortly after we took him to his first Bear Party in 1994.

11. Kip Noll (1958-2001) the porn star. My friend Alan, the Pentecostal porn star, worked with him on a film in the early 1980s. Does it count as a hookup if your sexual activity is part of your job?

12. Ronald Reagan, Jr. (1958-), the President's son, estranged from his father, a ballet dancer, who got married very quickly and suspiciously when his father took office -- what were we to think? Half of West Hollywood claimed to have dated him. My ex Fred told me that they met at a bathhouse in Chicago during the summer of 1979.

13.Rob Lowe (1964-), teen idol and brat packer. Mario, who picked me up at the Different Light Bookstore, worked with him on a tv pilot when they were both teenagers. According to Mario, they had dinner, went up to Rob's room, and one thing led to another while they were watching Magnum, P.I.

14. Keanu Reeves (1964-). The brooding star of the Matrix movies has played gay characters several times, but he had barely begun his career in 1988, when my friend Scott ran into him at the Rage. Scott described a wild night that included making out on the beach and skinny-dipping in a pool of a house in Beverly Hills that didn't belong to them.

15. Luke Perry (1966-), star of the teen drama Beverly Hills 90210 (1990-2000). Remember the Family Guy episode, in which Meg accidentally "outs" him in the school newspaper, and he sues for slander? My friend Barry, the Colonial Williamsburg boy of Long Island, claimed to have met him while cruising in Hollywood one night in 1996. Perry was married with children at the time, but ok.

16. Leonardo DiCaprio (1974-), the indy movie star who has played gay characters several times, and receives nearly as many gay rumors as the big boys, Tom Cruise and John Travolta. Lots of guys claimed to have dated or hooked up with him, but the most believable story came from Farshad, the French Moroccan on my sausage list, who said that they met in Paris in 1995.

17. Prince Carl Philip of Sweden (1979-). Zack, the photography student at the Rhode Island School of Design, said that he spent the night with him when they were teenagers, both boarding school students in Connecticut.

18. Dylan O'Brien (1991-), star of the Maze Runner movies (2014-2017) and the tv series Teen Wolf (2011-). In April 2014, Jimmy, the Boy Toy of my platonic friends, told me that they went to high school in Hermosa Beach, California together. They used to do it in his parents' garage. This was before I had heard of Dylan O'Brien, so he's an odd person to try to impress me with, and there are some gay rumors.

The full post, with nude photos, is on Tales of West Hollywood.

You may have noticed that I changed the template. After four years, it was time for a change, thought "magazine" style looked cool.

The indexes are still there, but they'll pop up in the text.

You can still get to the most popular posts, the blog feed, and the other features on the right sidebar. And you can change the format of the "magazine."

If readers don't like it, I can always go back to the original template.

Every once in a while, a movie producer hires all of the teen hunks he can find, puts them in an all-male environment, and orders a script that involves fighting a common adversary with their shirts off, thus ensuring the avid interest of every gay boy in the world: Tom Brown's School Days, Bless the Beasts and Children, Lord of the Flies, White Water Summer, White Squall. In 1991, the movie was Toy Soldiers.

The plot: terrorists take over an elite prep school for the sons of the wealthy and powerful, and take the boys and their headmaster hostage. The boys use their troublemaking skills to gather intel on the terrorists, and wise-cracking operator Billy Tepper (20-year old Sean Astin, left) sneaks out to brief the adults.

When they turn out to be ineffectual, Billy and his friends, including comic relief Snuffy (21-year old Keith Coogan, middle) and surly bodybuilder Ricky (19-year old George Perez, right), go on the offensive, incapacitating several terrorists, disabling their bomb, and leading the younger kids to safety, just in time to be "rescued."

Other boys include the rich "jerk" Joey (19-year old Wil Wheaton, well known for playing Wesley Crusher on Star Trek: the Next Generation).

And T. E. Russell as the pragmatic Hank.

Sean Astin (Billy) was a major teen idol of the period, with roles in The Goonies, The War of the Roses, White Water Summer, and Rudy).

Keith Coogan (Snuffy) was a former child star with credits in Adventures in Babysitting and The Book of Love.

There's some buddy-bonding between Billy and Snuffy, but with a large ensemble cast, it's not well developed.

However, heterosexual interest is absent, except for a scene in which Billy confiscates a Playboy from one of the younger kids. There are references to getting laid and masturbation, but no one mentions a girlfriend or a desire for girls.

Absence of expressed heterosexual desire is almost unheard-off in a teen movie of the 1990s, giving viewers permission to read one or more of the boys -- or all of them -- as gay.

And the parade of underwear-clad, towel-clad, and shirtless teenage muscle (or rather young adult muscle, since all of the actors were over 18) didn't hurt.

Sean Astin would go on to lasting fame as Sam Gamgee in The Lord of the Rings.

Keith Coogan now hosts The Call Sheet, a celebrity interview podcast.

Both are vocal gay allies.

West Hollywood, Summer 1989

It's my third date with Lane, the date you traditionally introduce him to your friends, so we're having dinner at my house with Raul, Will, my Celebrity ex-boyfriend, Fred and Matt...and my housemate Derek?

Derek and I are not close. We don't eat meals together, we rarely share each other's dates. We are invited to each other's parties by default, but we rarely attend.

So why is he here?

I'm worried that the former fitness model with the baseball bat between his legs will steal my new boyfriend before we even have a chance to seal the deal. It's happened before.

I serve barbecued chicken, baked potatoes, "roshineers," and tomatoes. Lane brings a salad, and Derek furnishes the desert.

After dinner we start talking about childhood crushes -- tv and movie stars you found dreamy, back in the day: Luke Halpin of Flipper, Desi Arnaz Jr., Barry Williams of The Brady Bunch.

Derek keeps silent. He's substantially older than the rest of us, so he probably doesn't want to call attention to his age by mentioning Ricky Nelson or...or Frank Sinatra.

Then someone mentions David Cassidy, the androgynous star of The Partridge Family, who had a string of hits in the early 1970s: "I Think I Love You,""I Woke Up in Love this Morning,"

"Incredibly hot!" Will exclaims. "Those eyes! That voice!"

"And so fey," Lane says. "It's obvious he's one of us."

We all nod in agreement.

"He's bi," Derek says suddenly. "But mostly into girls. Guys once in a blue moon. Pity...he's got a face that can break your heart."

"Do you...um...have firsthand knowledge of this bi thing?" I ask.

The rest of the story is on Tales of West Hollywood.

Plains, April 2016

It's a "nice" day on the Plains.

You know: bright sizzling sun like an angry gash in the world, sky so blue and cloudless that it makes your eyes ache, endless horizon that makes you feel like you're going to go zipping off into the stratosphere? One of those days.

I rush through my work and try to get to my car and get home before anyone can stop me. But unluckily, I run into every straight person I know, and they all start the refrain:

"What are you going to do to enjoy the outdoors?"
"You should get outside and enjoy the day!"
"It's too nice a day to be cooped up inside!"
"Don't days like this make you just ache to be outside?"

No.

1. The outdoors is not to be enjoyed. It's to be traveled through to get to the things that are to be enjoyed.

2. Cooped up, in a low-heat, low-humidity, low-UV ray environment with optimal ventilation and light, a minimum of dirt, mud, ants, snakes, flies, mosquitoes, and mean dogs, and snacks, a bathroom, and entertainment nearby?

I prefer rain, or snow, or at least some clouds. No one orders you to "Get out and enjoy the day!" when it's cloudy.

In West Hollywood, nearly every day was "nice" -- we averaged 285 sunny days, 43 cloudy days, and 37 rainy days every year, and the temperatures never went below 50 degrees. But we didn't "play outside."

In ten years I went to the beach three times, went hiking in Griffith Park once, and ate on those redwood picnic tables outside maybe six times.

In Florida, nearly every day was "nice," too -- there were 128 precipitation days per year, but the clouds usually rolled in and out during a couple of hours in the afternoon, leaving blank skies and blazing suns. But, again, we didn't "play outside." We went from air conditioned apartment to air conditioned car to air conditioned building.

It's only in the Straight World that people spend every possible moment outdoors. Ball games, sailing, camping, skateboarding. They even invite you to eat outdoors, shooing the bugs away from their hamburgers and hotdogs while their paper plates get buffeted around by the wind, as if it's a big treat.

And whenever the sky turns into a cerulean bowl and the sun starts to blaze in fury, they start the refrain: "It's too nice a day to be cooped up inside! Why don't you go outside and enjoy the day!"

Ok, well, it's been almost nine years since I left Florida. I guess I should try to assimilate. What do I enjoy that can be transferred to an outdoor environment:

Going to museums and art galleries? No.
Going to the theater and the ballet? No.
Watching movies and tv? No.
Studying languages, history, and archaeology? No
Reading comic books and graphic novels? No.
Touring old churches? No.
Working out? No.

Cruising?

I haven't been to a public cruising spot for 15 years, and I haven't actually done it outside, with the dirt and bug, for 25 years.

But if that's what the straight people want....

I check the online gay directories, and find three sites for public sex in Plains:

1. The restroom on the third floor of the library, with a 1 1/2 foot gap between toilet stalls. No.

2. An adult video store with glory holes. No.

3. A public park with trails through the tall tree, scrub, and mush.

Ok, I'll give it a try.

It's near downtown, along the river. I drive over around 5:00 pm to get the after-work crowd.

There are five other cars, at least five people wandering the nature trails. Will one of them be my key to "enjoying the outdoors"?

I walk briskly down the trail, past thin, barely-budding trees and prickly bushes. When the trail forks, I take the left.

Car 1: A short, black-haired guy, college age. I say "hello" as we pass. He smiles and says "hello," also. But that doesn't mean anything -- people in the Plains are polite.

Car 2: A woman with pink hair and a nose ring, taking photographs.

The left path ends. I turn down the right.

Car 3: A father and toddler-aged son, walking slowly and talking about nature. I overtake and pass them, saying "Excuse me."

Car 4, or maybe Cars 4-5: Two high-school aged boys in t-shirts, laughing and jostling as they rush past me toward...the parking lot. Could they have finished a hookup?

I return to the parking lot, take a drink of water from the fountain. One of the cars is gone, but a new car has arrived.

I pass the Car 3 father and son again.

Car 6: An elderly fat man in white pants, walking so fast that he's wheezing.

"Nice day," I say.

"Got to get out and enjoy outdoors," he says with a leer.

There's Car 1, the short, cute college-aged guy, again. This time I walk alongside him.

"Don't let it bother you," he says. "That fat guy tries to hook up with everybody."

Ok, this guy is gay, and here for a hookup.

"Oh, I don't mind -- he's mild. I lived in West Hollywood for 13 years -- we had some aggressive guys there!"

Mentioning West Hollywood always gets them interested. "West Hollywood! I'd love to visit someday. Did you hook up with any celebrities."

"Oh, no one special. Just Michael J. Fox, Richard Dreyfuss, Rob Lowe, and Leonardo DiCaprio," I lie. "My name is Boomer."

"Michael." We clasp hands. "So, what's Leonardo like? I used to have such a crush on him!"

Michael works in an office nearby, and often comes here after work to walk and cruise. He's seen guys going off into the woods together, but he hasn't gotten the nerve to do anything himself.

It's not hard to talk him into an erotic encounter. Not on the scratchy grass and mud, of course. We go back to my apartment, where it's warm and safe.

I guess I'm never going to be that assimilated.

The uncensored post, with nude photos, is on Tales of West Hollywood.

In gay communities, people who have open relationships are often criticized as shallow, sex-obsessed, afraid of true intimacy.

Or sometimes they're pitied. If only they could experience the unmitigated joy of monogamy, being with only one person for life!

I've spent five years in monogamous relationships, and twenty in open relationships. I'll take the open.

Here's why:

The cultures of the world have many ways of determining who is responsible for raising children. The most common are:
1. Polygamy: several women have children with one man.
2. Polyandry: one woman has children with several men
3. Mixed: anyone in the clan can have children with anyone else.

17% of the world's cultures practice monogamy: one woman has children with one man only.

Monogamy ensures that men know that they are the biological father of the children they are raising. But it has some drawbacks:

1. The wife becomes property, her vagina a commodity that can be bought and sold. Through the 18th century, if a married woman was raped, the husband was assumed the victim. If she was unmarried, the victim was the father.

2. The penalty for a wife who "cheats" is severe, but for the husband, the penalty is mild. It is even expected that he have a "mistress" on the side. 90% of the people prosecuted under the adultery laws are female.

3. The husband and wife are expected to live alone, with their children, in"single family homes" which puts a severe strain on the world's economic resources. Multiple-family dwellings are much more efficient.

Same-sex couples don't need to worry about pregnancy from an extramarital encounter, so why do they practice monogamy? I have heard the following objections to sexual activity with people outside the relationship:

1.It increases the risk of sexually-transmitted diseases.

Unprotected sex increases the risk of STDs regardless of whether you are in a relationship or not. Should single gay people avoid sexual activity, also? Wrap it up!

2. The partners may find someone they likes better, and end the relationship.

Will spending an hour in the bedroom with this guy tell you if he likes The X-Files and Buddhist philosophy, if he will be supportive of your career, if he will fit in with your friends? Of course not -- all you will find out about is his bedroom performance. If your relationship is so fragile that it will end because you found someone better at oral sex, is it really worth preserving?

3. Heterosexuals don't do it.

Of course they do, just not as often as we do, for an obvious reason: women lose prestige by having sex, but men gain it. Think of the terms used for men and women with multiple partners: stud vs. slut. So it takes work to persuade a woman to have sex with you, but to get a man to have sex with you, all you need to do is ask.

4. It must be disgraceful. You wouldn't want people to find out, would you?

I would prefer that my mother, minister, and boss not be apprised of my latest three-way. Also I wouldn't want them to know what I did with my partner last night. And I don't want to know what they did with their partners, either.

5. It detracts from the joy, fulfillment, and fun of the relationship.

I don't see how. It's a joy to cruise together, to evaluate prospects. It's fulfilling to watch your partner in action with someone they finds especially attractive. And it's fun to discuss afterwards.

6. I prefer monogamy, and everybody on Earth has to do things my way.

If you and your partner are both into it, feel free to only have sex with each other. Or to not have sex at all. It's really none of my business. But at the same time, you don't have the right to judge me over something that my partner and I enjoy.

Semi-Open Relationships

I don't have strictly open relationships, where either partner can do anything with anybody at anytime. What's the fun in that? I want to be there.

My relationships have usually been semi-open.

1. Either partner can engage in social activities with anyone he wants, including events that are typically considered dates: dinners, movies, and so on.

2. BUT no bedroom activity can occur without both partners being present. All three will participate, or if one of the parties isn't into it, he can just watch.

3. At bath houses, sex clubs, and bear parties, the partners will cruise together whenever possible, but separate sexual activity is permitted.

4. If the partners are in separate cities, they can engage in bedroom activities with close friends, including "sharing" dates and romantic partners.

It's worked so far. Twenty years of semi-open relationships with no STDs, no jealousy, no crying and recrimination, no breakups because he found someone better, and a lot of fun.

An uncensored version of this post is on Tales of West Hollywood.

From 1959 to 1991, The Wizard of Oz, was shown on tv every year, on CBS until 1968, and then on NBC.

Nazarenes weren't allowed to go to movie theaters, but watching movies on tv was fine, so our parents sat us down every year and forced us to watch the "beloved children's classic."

Apparently it was shown in November or December, but I remember it in the springtime, one of the traumas of the end of the year.

It's old-fashioned, outdated, incomprehensible, and...well, horrifying.

1. Dorothy, played by 16-year old Judy Garland, the queen of angst, lives a horrible life on a Depression-Era Dustbowl farm in black-and-white Kansas. Her parents are dead; her elderly Uncle and Aunt appear to be raising man-eating pigs.

Her only source of joy is her dog Toto, but the evil Miss Gulch is planning to take him away and have him killed. She wants to go to a place where there "isn't any trouble."

2. A giant tornado destroys her home and zaps her off to Oz, where at least things are in color, but the main residents are disturbing munchkins who look like little adults with mouth deformities, but act like kids. Could this be the place with no trouble?

3. She's assassinated the dictator of Munchkin land and stolen her ruby slippers, which apparently are powerful. The Wicked Witch of the West, the dictator of Winkie Land, shows up, vowing to kill Dorothy and get the slippers. In Oz five minutes, and she has already started a war. No wonder she wants to go home to Kansas.

4. She goes on a journey through an empty postapocalyptic Oz to get to the Emerald City and ask the assistance of the great and powerful Wizard. Along the way she picks up adult male companions, mutants with their own quests: a brain, a heart, the "noive."

She's uncomfortably intimate with the Cowardly Lion.

Meanwhile the Witch burns, poisons, and otherwise terrorizes the group. I hated the poppy field -- that's opium poppies, the source of heroin -- where Dorothy and company are almost smothered to death.

Incomprehensible: when the Scarecrow's body is torn up and scattered around, the Tin Man says "That's you all over," punning on 1930s slang. Who makes a joke about a friend being torn to pieces?

5. At the Emerald City, where the bourgeoisie live in glorious excess, working one-hour work days and ignoring the deprivations of the proletariat, Dorothy and company enjoy a spa day. Dorothy asks about getting her eyes dyed, which is disgusting. There's an incomprehensible reference to "a horse of a different color."

6. After trying to terrorize them for awhile, the Wizard says he'll help, but only if they steal the Witch's broom.

They undertake a second long and perilous journey to the Witch's castle, where they are captured. The flying monkeys are horrifying, as is the hourglass that counts out the minutes Dorothy has to live. Nightmare time!

After almost being murdered, Dorothy melts the witch, frees her slaves -- at least in The Wiz, they were hunky guys in speedos -- and brings the broom back to the Wizard.

7. Who has no power at all! He's a complete fraud! He sent her on the quest assuming she would be killed, and his secret would be safe. Too cowardly to commit your own murders, Wiz?

The Wizard suggests that the companions defraud their way through life. The Scarecrow gets a diploma he didn't earn and spouts some gibberish that sounds brainy but isn't. He'll probably become a math professor.

Unfortunately, Dorothy can't defraud her back to Kansas.

8. Glinda the Good Witch, the dictator of Gillikan Land, shows up and, with an infuriating smirk, tells Dorothy that she always had the power to go home.

Why not tell her this before she went through all of the agony and terror, you sadistic jerk?

Were you trying to get her to do your dirty work for you, assassinate two world leaders so you could consolidate your power? Were you the brains behind this whole trip?

And why is the matra that takes you back to Kansas "There's no place like home"? That is, don't stay in Oz. Is Glinda worried that if Dorothy sticks around, she will be a threat?

9. Upon arriving back in Kansas, Dorothy discovers that it was all a dream that occurred when she hit her head during the tornado. All of that trouble, pain, betrayal, fraud, and behind-the-scene machinations for nothing.

10. The plot about Miss Gulch taking away Toto is never resolved. Dorothy's life is still horrible. But at least it's better than that Oz place.

Oh, well, here's a picture of a shirtless guy.

See also: The Wiz; The Boys and Men of Oz

I'm watching the second season of Fear the Walking Dead (2015-) about a family caught up in the first days of the Zombie Apocalypse of The Walking Dead.

The first season was slow and dull and heterosexist, more about family squabbles than zombies, as high school teacher Travis Manawa (Cliff Curtis) tried to round up his ex-wife and son, girlfriend and her son and daughter, and move them "to the desert" where it was safe.

They took refuge with Daniel Salazar (Ruben Blades), a barber with a Secret Past, and his heterosexual nuclear family, and mostly sat around waiting for the government to come and save them..

But at least there was a lot of beefcake, guys taking off their clothes for no apparent reason, and some hunky recurring characters, like Shawn Hatosy as the clueless Corporal Adams.

This season has thinned out the herd a bit. The mysterious Victor Strand (gay actor Colman Domingo), who has a Secret Motive, takes them all out onto his yacht, where they are seeking a safe harbor. There are just enough castaways to start a new Gilligan's Island.

1. Strand can be the Skipper.

2. Nick (Frank Dillane), Travis' moody, drug-addict son, is Strand's protege, and the reason he offered to rescue them in the first place. Do I detect bromance in the air? Ok, he's Gilligan.

3.-4. Travis and his girlfriend Madison (Kim Dickens), a rather dim-witted guidance counselor. Mr. and Mrs. Howell, certainly.

5. Daniel Salazar. The Professor.

6. Alicia (Alycia Debham-Carter), Kim's daughter, a former modeling student. Ginger.

7. Chris (Lorenzo James Henrie), Travis' son. (That's him behind his older brother, David Henrie of The Wizards of Waverly Place).

Well, let's just say Chris is feminine. Definitely Mary Anne.

The second season is still rather heterosexist -- the first group of survivors they run into is a nuclear family with its own survivalist compound on Catalina Island (which they call Catrina Island).

But there's still a lot of beefcake, as the guys decide to go swimming in zombie-infested waters, or just take their shirt off for no reason.

We're waiting to see if the still to-be-introduced actors, like Daniel Zovatto and Dougray Scott, increase the beefcake potential.

And we're still waiting for Strand, Nick, and Chris to come out. Last Sunday's episode, where Chris buddy-bonded with the survivalist family's teenage son (Jake Austin Walker) over a zombie-killing chore, was close.

See also: The Walking Dead

You'll find a lot of muscular guys in Eastern Europe, where bodybuilding is nearly as popular as soccer (pictured: Bulgarian bodybuilder Dimitar Dimitrov). But outside of the Czech Republic and Hungary, beefcake in public art is scarce. The combined influence of Slavic churches and Soviet-era puritanism has taken its toll.

When someone does erect a nude male statue, there's usually a public outcry. This statue of a nude Roman Emperor Trajan, one of the founders of Romania, placed on the steps of the National Museum of Romanian History in Bucharest, has caused jeers of derision.

Both for his nudity and for the fact that he's holding a wolf with a scarf (it's actually the Capitoline Wolf, who fed Romulus and Remus, attached to the Dacian Dragon).

When a nude statue of Prometheus the Fire-Bringer was erected in the Park of the Heroes of Macedonia in Skopje, public outcry forced Macedonian officials to give the god golden underwear.

But there is still beefcake to be found, often in the most unexpected places.

Like this naked man seemingly hovering in mid-air over the Bryda River in Bydgoszcz, Poland, commemorating Poland joining the European Union.

Or the Naked Swordsman at the University of Wroclaw, erected to warn students against incautious spending (apparently he was a student who bet everything he owned, except his sword, and lost).

More after the break.

Durres, Albania is a modern seaport and resort town known for its Partisan Statue, a fully-clothed guy holding a gun. But look upward for a muscular, nude Poseidon.

Sofia, Bulgaria has some fine old monuments, including this exceptionally well-endowed Apollo.

Every year, the town of Košice, Slovakia, near the Hungarian border, holds an International Peace Marathon. This nude bronze runner commemorates the event.

The Partisan Memorial in Ljubljana, Slovenia is not nude, but he has an impressive torso and a look of rugged defiance.

Mostar, in Bosnia-Herzegovina recently unveiled a statue of martial arts legend Bruce Lee.

That leaves Serbia, Croatia, and Kosovo.

Maybe a beefcake tour of Eastern Europe would be a good idea after all.

See also: Yuri's Beefcake Tour of Minsk and Public Penises of Hungary

I am often asked if I can find a gay subtext in anyone, anywhere. Let's try it out:

The Wizards of Waverly Placereunion movie (2013) splits young-adult wizard Alex Russo (Selena Gomez) into good and evil halves. Good Alex is allied with on-off boyfriend, the werewolf Mason (Gregg Sulkin), while Evil Alex teams up with the hunky though evil wizard Dominic (Beau Mirchoff). Guess which team wins?

Jake T. Austin, always good for a subtext, doesn't have much to do.

No subtexts.

This was 24-year old Beau Mirchoff's first time on the Disney Channel, but he's been playing evil teens for several years.

The arrogant equestrian Ben in the Canadian tv series Heartland (2007-2008). Never saw it.

Danny Bolen in Desperate Housewives (2009-2010), first a murder suspect, then the hostage of his eco-terrorist biological father. No subtexts in his story line.

A teenage murderer on CSI: Miami (2011). No subtexts.

Beau is playing against type in the MTV series Awkward (2011-), about high schooler Jenna (Ashley Rickards) who gains notoriety after she has an accident, and everyone thinks she attempted suicide. He plays Matty, who is competing for Jenna's affection with his best friend Jake (Brett Davern). When Jake sees Matty and Jenna kissing, he angrily breaks up with them both.

Classic triangulation.

Jake and Beau, BFFs in real life, are playing up the bromance.

Found a subtext!

By the way, Awkward also has an gay character, Clark Stevenson (Joey Haro), who comes out at Bible Camp and is later caught kissing Ricky Schwartz (Matthew Fahey), the boyfriend of Jenna's bff Tamara.

San Francisco, Summer 1996

I'm starting a new part-time job at the San Francisco AIDS Foundation. During my all-day orientation, I meet a newcomer to the City, David:

Older than me, balding, handsome, with a bright open preacher's face. Rather buffed, with a thick neck, thick arms and a furry barrel chest. That aggressively friendly, ever-cheerful "How are ya!" manner that you see with guys whose jobs require you to like them.

He tells us that six months ago, he was a conservative Baptist minister in Arkansas, married with children. Then, on his 43rd birthday, he came out. He had his first same-sex experience, divorced his wife, read a lot of pro-gay books, and moved to San Francisco.

He has moved into an apartment in the Castro with another ex-Baptist minister, joined a gym, and found a (full time) job at the AIDS Foundation. Now he's anxious to try everything the gay world has to offer, especially the sex.

"No sex for the first 43 years of my life!" he exclaims. "Unless you count my ex-wife. Just fantasies. I have to get up to speed. I bet I can get with a thousand guys in the next year, three a day, if I work at it."

He glances at the concerned faces of the other employees of the AIDS Foundation. "What? I'll be safe, of course. I carry a package of condoms with me at all times."

After orientation David and I take the Muni to Castro Street for dinner. We bond over tales of childhood deprivations and crazy fundamentalist relatives -- and hot men. He is relishing his freedom to talk openly about hot guys for the first time in his life.

There's no question that we'll hook up -- that's a given. You make new friends in San Francisco by sharing their bed. But I'm more interested in hanging out, in exploring the gay world through David's eyes.

Outside the Castro Street Station, we come across two screamers.

You see screamers frequently in gay neighborhoods, at events like Gay Pride and the AIDS Walk, or sometimes on an ordinary summer afternoon: heteros waving signs and shouting Bible verses and generally expressing how much they hate us.

Usually they come in groups, but today there are only two:

1. A middle aged man, slim, grey-haired, sweating in a business suit, carrying a sign that reads "Homosexuality is an abomination in the eyes of the Lord," snarling and shouting invectives at the passersby:

"Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind!"

2. The Bible boy, slim and blond in a business suit, but considerably more handsome, with blue eyes and sharp features, looking down at his feet -- because he doesn't like being around sodomites, or because he doesn't like being around his dad? He's carrying a large King James Bible.

I know the drill -- cross the street if you can. Don't make eye contact, don't speak, don't engage with the screamers in any way.

But does David? Will the former Baptist preacher engage? Or will his fundamentalist brainwashing kick in, resulting in guilt, self-recrimination, and a decision to turn "ex-gay"?

I don't want to find out. "Come on, let's go this way," I say, pulling David's arm.

"Are you kidding? That boy is hot!"

"He's a screamer!"

David laughs. "I hope so. Do you like twinks?"

"Sure, but...cruising a screamer? Are you crazy?"

"Yes. And horny. Do you mind if I bring in a third for tonight."

Soon I will be used to David cruising anyone, anywhere, but now I'm shocked. A screamer, in front of his Dad!

We approach Bible Boy while the main screamer is yelling at a heterosexual couple for promoting sodomy.

David smiles and holds out his massive hand. Bible Boy smiles shyly. I can hear him thinking, "This isn't what a sodomite looks like! Why isn't he wearing a dress?"

"My name is David, and this is Boomer."

"Kyle. Have you ever heard of the Four Spiritual Laws?"

That old soulwinning routine? I learned that in high school!

David says "ἐγὼ ἦλθον ἵνα ζωὴν ἔχωσιν καὶ περισσὸν ἔχωσιν."

Bible Boy stares.

"John 10:10: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. B.A. in Classical Studies from the University of Arkansas, M.A. in Latin from Tulane University, M. Div. from the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary."

His eyes widen. "Wow, that's impressive. How did you..." He stops himself from saying "How did you sink into such unholy degradation..."

"Can you take a break? I'll tell you all about my journey from Pine Bluff, Arkansas to Castro Street."

"Um...I don't drink."

"Do you eat hamburgers?"

He yells to the Preacher that he's going witnessing, and we go to Orphan Andy's for burgers and fries.

Kyle is 18 years old, a new high school graduate who plans to attend UC Santa Cruz next fall ("Boy, did my folks squawk about that! A heathen college full of atheists and sodomites!")

The older guy is actually his youth minister. There are six other members of his youth group scattered around town, brandishing signs and screaming to spread the Good News, but Kyle, a shy, sensitive, quiet boy, couldn't find a partner, so the preacher said 'Just stick by me.'"

"I wasn't even going to come. I hate soulwinning," Kyle explains. "But I wanted to see what real sodomites look like. Besides, we're going to get ice cream later."

Nice youth group outing, screaming and fudge ripple!

"You don't really believe all that 'abomination in the eyes of the Lord' stuff, do you?" David asks.

"Well, I have to believe what the Lord says in His Word, even if I don't understand it. I mean, you look at cute guys, and think, what would be wrong with touching them? But the Lord says it's an abomination, so...."

Chuckling, David pulls out his Greek and Hebrew and demolishes every homophobic interpretation of the "Big Five" Bible verses. From the story of Sodom to the "strange flesh" of Jude.

We end up back at his apartment.

The rest of the story, with nude photos and sexual situations, is on Tales of West Hollywood.

The summer of 1984 was the summer of "When Doves Cry," by androgynous musician Prince. I don't usually like sad songs, but there was something so wistful about the self-incrimination, something so poignant about the fear of being abandoned in cold, cruel world:

How can you just leave me standing?
Alone in a world that's so cold?
Maybe I'm just too demanding.
Maybe I'm just like my father, too bold.
Maybe you're just like my mother,
She was never satisfied

It was especially evocative because I heard it constantly as I drove south from Rock Island toward Hell-fer-Sartain, Texas, a cold, dark, perilous realm bereft of light and hope, where I would spend the worst year of my life.

This is what it sounds like
When doves cry

Of course we all thought that Prince was gay. He was so svelte, so androgynous, so downright feminine. He wore make up and women's high heels, and purple. In his 1981 Album Controversy, he himself seemed to be unsure:

I just can't believe all the things people say
Am I black or white? Am I straight or gay?

In Purple Rain (1984), he announced himself as genderqueer:

I'm not a woman, I'm not a man.
I am something that you'll never understand.

But "Cream" (1991) eliminated all speculation, with lyrics that are too dirty to reprint here. Let's just say that he was proclaiming his heterosexuality.

After that I didn't pay much attention to Prince. I was vaguely aware that in 1993 he changed his name to a combination of the male and female symbols, again announcing his androgyny, then in 2000 back to Prince again.

And in 2001, that he had become a Jehovah's Witness, a hard-core fundamentalist church that flly embraces that ancient Hebrew text about ritual purity as evidence of God's hatred of non-heteros.

In 2008, he compared gay marriage to the horrible abominations that caused God to destroy all of humanity with the Great Flood: "God came to earth and saw people sticking it wherever and doing it with whatever, and he just cleared it all out. He was, like, ‘Enough."

He then clarified that he meant gay marriage, gestured at his Bible, and said "It ain't right."

Later he said that he had been misquoted, but when asked again about his opinion concerning gay marriage, he refused to answer.

In 2013, his song "Da Bourgeosie" describes his disgust over a girlfriend who claimed to have left "the dirty world," but was still having sex with women. I guess she was still up to be exterminated in the New Deluge.

Prince died earlier today at his home near Minneapolis.

I feel strangely melancholic, like I'm 23 years old again, driving down Interstate 55 south of St. Louis in my Dodge Dart, staring into a bleak, desolate future as everything I know and love recedes into the past.

How can you just leave me standing?
Alone in a world that's so cold?

Jamie Bell: Not Wearing a Sign

Spring 1990: Bedroom First, Socializing Later

Bobby Darin: Dream Lover of the 1950s

Trauma, Terror, and Beefcake of Junior High Shop Class

Mason Gamble

Sausage Sighting: The Ex-Wrestler with the Kovbasa

Buster Keaton: Gay Icon of the Silent Screen

David Cassidy

18 West Hollywood Stories of Celebrity Dates and Hookups

New Template

Toy Soldiers: Muscle on Parade

Derek the Fitness Model's Date with David Cassidy

Spring 2016: Doing What Straight People Do

What's Wrong with Open Relationships?

10 Things I Hate About the Wizard of Oz

Guys Who Need to Come Out on "Fear the Walking Dead"

Public Penises of Eastern Europe

Beau Mirchoff: Awkward Bromance

Summer 1996: David Hooks Up with the Bible Boy of Castro Street

When Doves Cry