When I lived in Florida, people kept trying me to go on cruises on the Caribbean.
But...that would involve getting on a big boat. We've invented airplanes now, that get you there faster.
"But they have beaches. You can lie in the sun."
"Um...we have beaches in Florida."
"Cuba has some of the greatest architectural masterpieces in the world."
"Can't go, American citizens aren't allowed."
"What about history? Columbus, pirates, Haitian voodoo, Ricky Ricardo...."
"Yeah, about that. Antiquated sodomy laws left over from the British Empire, some of the worst homophobia in the world..."
So I won't be going to the Caribbean anytime soon. But in case you do, here are some public penises to look out for.
1. Havana, Cuba apparently has some interesting neoclassical statues, like a semi-nude Neptune on El Malecon, the central avenue.
2. Jamaica is known for its reggae music, its Rastafarians, and its intense homophobia (usually ignored in the travel ads). And in Emancipation Park, one of the most nude of the nude statues of ex-slaves. A symbol of freedom.
3. This statue of Paul Bogle, the Baptist minister who led the 1865 Jamaican rebellion against the British, is a little more sedate, with a sword covering his penis.
4. Haiti is one of the poorest countries in the Western Hemisphere. Most of the population speaks Haitian Creole, practice the Afro-Caribbean religion of voodoo, and blamed the 2010 earthquake on gay people. But at least same-sex relations are legal.
In downtown Port-au-Prince, this memorial to the Unknown Slave shows a muscleman blowing a conch shell.
5. Moving east to the Dominican Republic, the capital city of Santo Domingo features a surprising aquamarine statue of Enriquillo, the Taino Indian who rebelled against the Spanish from 1519 to 1533.
More after the break.
6. Next on our way east lies the island of Puerto Rico, an American possession where same-sex relations are legal. In San Juan, the Plaza de Armas, an old square, has a number of statues, mostly female, but this fountain includes some muscular male nudes.
7. A little to the east lies two sets of Virgin Islands. In Charlotte Amalie (British Virgin Islands) you can see another Unknown Slave blowing his conch shell.
8. There's another in Frederiksted. on St. Croix (American Virgin Islands).
9, Not much of beefcake interest in Anguilla, St. Kitts and Nevis, Montserrat, Guadelupe, Martinique, or St. Lucia, but Grenada has a creepy underwater sculpture park (65 naturalistic statues, their eyes closed as if they have drowned). Some are getting encrusted with algae and sea creatures, making them creepier still.
It was installed by British artist Jason de Caires Taylor in 2012. I don't know why.
10. We can't get enough of slaves breaking out of their shackles. This nude example is in Barbados, a former British colony in the Antilles where same-sex relations can get you life in prison (although no one has been sentenced for many years).
11. We've hit the coast of South America with Trinidad and Tobago, which has a large Hindu population, and a giant statue of Lord Hanuman.
12. Working westward, we finally reach Curacao, a former Dutch colony that gained independence in 2010. Dutch is still the most common language, along with the creole Papiamento. The Tula Monument commemorates a slave who led a rebellion against the Dutch in 1795.
See also: The
Top 12 Public Penises of South America; and The
Top 12 Public Penises of Central America.
