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Celtic Festivals: Guys in Kilts, Phallic Symbols, and the Most Homeorotic Game in the World

August 16, 2015, 4:31 am
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When I was a kid, the Celtic world was everywhere.  Every year there was a Celtic Festival in downtown Rock Island to celebrate the heritage of Ireland, Scotland, and Wales.  Nazarenes weren't allowed to go to festivals, but I always found some way to sneak in.

You got to see lots of cute guys walking around in kilts -- and occasionally you glimpsed the something underneath.  Well, maybe it only happened once, to a friend of a friend, but the possibility was enough to make us snoop assiduously all day.

There were tents with long wooden tables where you could get haggis, neeps, and tatties (Scottish for "turnips" and "potatoes," but we turned them into something dirty.)  For some reason the phallic Wienermobile was there, selling hot dogs.

There were vendors who would write your name in Irish or find your Scottish coat of arms.

There were musicians, dancers, and dunking booths.

But the most popular events were feats of strength.

Only the biggest, beefiest guys could compete in throwing the heavy objects like cabers (long, heavy phallic symbols), Scottish hammers, and bundles of hay.



But maide leisg (pronounced "made leash") was for anyone: you and your partner sit facing each other with your heels together and your hands on a stick, palms touching, and try to pull each other off the ground.

When two guys compete, it's decidedly homoerotic. Especially when they're gazing into each other's eyes.  And when they're wearing kilts with nothing underneath.  And when you think of the stick as a phallic symbol.

Maide leisg means "lazy stick" in Scots Gaelic.  Let the dirty jokes begin.






Celtic Festival, Davenport Iowa
When I was a kid, my boyfriend Bill and I played maide leisg all the time.  As I grew older, I made a point of challenging the cutest guy at the festival.

Sometimes I won, sometimes not, but that didn't matter: the point was two guys straining and struggling together, separated by only a lazy stick.

Since 1998, the Celtic Festival has been held across the river in Davenport.  It's now the biggest festival in the Midwest.  I haven't gone for many years, but no doubt the gay symbolism is still there.

See also: 10 Things You Should Know About Kilts.; and Dunking Booths.

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10 Body Parts That You Didn't Know were Attractive

August 16, 2015, 12:05 pm
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Connoisseur of male beauty know that the most attractive body parts aren't necessarily the biggest,  most obvious, and most dramatic.  Sure, we all love a nice chest, biceps, and beneath-the-belt gifts.

But what about out of the way nooks and crannies, the smaller parts that don't swell with muscle?

The auto mechanic's hand as he works on our car.
A moment of exposed belly as a stranger's shirt pushes up.
Our boyfriend's calves as he climbs out of bed and walks toward the bathroom.

They evoke strength, power, and virility as much, or more, than a naked phallus, displaying all of the mystery, power, and potential of maleness.

Here are 10 body parts that you should include in your appreciation of the male form:

1. The Neck

Often the only body part visible when the guy is fully clothed, a thick "bull" neck and bulging Adam's apple are symbols of virility.  Most weight-training programs ignore the neck, but you can develop it with barbell shoulder-shrugs.













2. The Collarbone

The bone that crosses the top of your chest, ending in that little raised ridge just before your shoulders, where the trapezius attaches.

Almost as sexy as the shoulder itself.  Look for it at the gym.










3. The Trapezius

Admit it, you're not looking at his rather minimal biceps, you're looking at his trapezius, the muscle in the back of the neck that moves the shoulder blades.
The best trap exercise is the upright row, which also works on your delts (the round part of the shoulders).









4. The Tricep

It's not hard to build impressive biceps -- those little muscles respond to almost everything.  Triceps are another story.  Getting those ripped requires dedication.

I've met guys who had nothing biceps and incredible triceps.  They couldn't explain why.

The best tricep exercise is the pully pushdown, but don't cheat: start with the pully above your head.








5. The Elbow

It's the joint that separates the upper arm and the forearm, the place where all the bulging begins.  We should call it the ur-muscle.

You can often distinguish male from female elbows by the carrying angle: when the arm is extended, the forearm sits at a slightly higher angle relative to the upper arm.  Generally women have a lower angle than men.

More after the break.










6. The Armpit

Or axilla, the joint where the arm connects to the shoulder, especially in this position, where you can see the whole arm and shoulder.

Armpit hair is not really gender-specific, but for some reason women are pressured to remove theirs, to promote the myth that body hair is masculine.

By the way, deodorants are not necessary if you clean there when you shower, but if you must wear them, be sure to inform your dates and hookups before you get intimate.  Otherwise he may be in a surprise.





7. The Forearm

Unless you go to the gym or the beach, you rarely see the shoulders, chests, and upper arms of strangers.  But you can always see the forearm.

Guys who exercise for a living often develop tight, meaty forearms, with that little indentation at the base of the brachioradialis.  A thick, heavy wristwatch increases the aura of masculine strength.








8. The Hand

One of the first body parts I notice.  And I'm not the only one: in the Old English poem Beowulf, we read: "Never had he met a man whose hands were so hard."

I like them squarish, with short fingers, not long and tapered, and those veins visible.  A watch or bracelets at the wrist, but no rings -- too effeminate.












9. The Serratus Anterior

I'll skip over the pecs -- everybody notices those.  But have you ever noticed the serratus anterior?  It's the "Boxing Muscle," used for rotating your trunk.  You need to be in excellent shape for it to be visible beneath the sheath of fat.













10. The Navel

Everybody likes abs, but what about the navel?  It's technically the scar left over when the umbilical cord was removed.  Medieval theologians spent a lot of time wondering whether Adam and Eve had them.

10% of navals are outties, where the scar tissue protrudes slightly from the depression.  No one knows why, but I have always found outties on ultra-skinny guys.

It's very sensitive either way.

Next: 10 More Body Parts That You Didn't Know Were Attractive.

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Spirou and Fantasio: The Bellhop and his Boyfriend

August 18, 2015, 3:26 am
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The young hunk and his blond, balding but still youthful boyfriend recline cozily on the couch, watching tv, their legs pressed together.  The young hunk places his foot atop his boyfriend's in a gesture of intimacy.










Suddenly the telephone rings.  "It's a woman," the young hunk announces.  "One who has the chutzpah to call us at this hour and say It's me."

His shirt is open, revealing a smooth, buffed chest.  His boyfriend is wearing a lavender t-shirt and a sky-blue jacket, a style that an older gay man might wear.





As his boyfriend takes the call, the young hunk cuddles their pet squirrel, adopting a nurturing, feminine pose. He's wearing extremely  tight pants.  The boyfriend glances over at him, apparently thinking "I'm lucky to have landed such a hot guy."












It's their coworker, Seccotine, asking for a ride to the airport.  "Sorry, tomorrow I'm going to a conference in Bali," the boyfriend says.  Ignoring the young hunk's frantic gestures, he continues: "...But don't worry, my partner will be glad to give you a ride."

A gay comic?  A parody?  A slash fantasy?  No, this is an actual excerpt from Spirou et Fantasio, a Belgian comic strip for children (and college students learning French).


The young hunk Spirou began his career in 1938 as a bellhop engaged in humorous antics.  In 1944, he met intrepid journalist Fantasio, and soon the two were pairing up for investigations, traveling through time and space, confronting gangsters, spies, dictators, mad scientists, and alien invaders, rescuing each other again and again.


 Like Tintin and Captain Haddock, Corentin and Kim,  and Alix and Enak, Spirou and Fantasio became domestic partners, and rather obviously lovers,  Occasionally Fantasio liked a woman (unlike Captain Haddock), but in the end he always returned to his true love.

During the 1990s, the couple was redrawn, becoming more naturalistic, with pleasantly muscular physiques -- and the gay subtext was revved up (it's hard to read them as anything but a modern-day gay couple).

Over fifty albums have been released to date.  Three have been translated into English.

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10 More Body Parts That You Didn't Know Were Attractive

August 18, 2015, 4:01 am
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I've been going through the body parts which aren't as big, dramatic, and obvious as the biceps, pecs, and beneath-the-belt gifts, but still can be emblematic of masculine beauty.  With #1-10, I barely got through the trapezius, triceps, forearm, serratus anterior, and the navel.  Now let's move on to the rest of the body.

11. The Treasure Trail

Everybody likes pecs and abs, but what about the area at the base of the abs, just below the navel, where, on about 2/3rds of men, there's a trail of hair leading directly down to their pubes.  It's called a Treasure Trail.

The moment he takes his shirts off, you get a visual reminder of what's waiting for you below.




12. The Obliques

When you hear someone saying "What great shape that guy is in!", they probably aren't referring to his pecs, delts, and biceps.  They are noticing the obliques, which run along the ilium (hip bone) along the waist and make that cute indentation.






13. The Tanline

I never tan -- I just freckle or burn.  You have to have the right skin tone and spend the right amount of time roasting in the sun.  It's tricky.  But the result, if you can pull it off, is a flat, straight line that separates the pale from the bronze,














14. The Back

It's easy to ignore the back --  the guy is turned away from you, and all of the more spectacular parts are hidden.  But watch the interplay of the complex system of muscles and bones, from the deltoids (shoulders) to the lats (latissimus dorsi, the big muscles on either side of the spine) to the teres and obliques.  A v-shaped torso begins here.

Maybe when the guy has his back turned, he's not ignoring you -- he's displaying his most sensitive, vulnerable side, inviting a caress.




15.  The Glutes

I've never been much for the backside, but the nice thing about the glutes is, the guy can't see you checking them out, so gawk all you want.

The glutes aren't there just for show -- they're essential for the runner.  So don't ignore the lunges and leg-lifts at the gym.









16. The Quads

When I download pictures of naked guys, I always crop them at base of the torso.  Who wants to see the legs?

But take a look at these quads. They're called quads because there are actually four different muscle groups at the top of the leg.  That's why they require different exercises.  The result is that quad "bulge" from the long, straight rectus femoris.








17. The Knees

You're asleep, with your back turned to your boyfriend.  Suddenly you feel something prodding.  Something hard and thick.  Is it his....?  No,, it's his knee.






18. The Calves

The calf consists of two muscles, the gastrocnemius (which gives it the round shape) and the soleus (which connects it to the leg).  It's a mistake to think they develop "automatically" through walking and running.

They might, if you run 10 miles a day.  Otherwise, to get that hard, thick bulge, you need to do calf raises, too.






19. The Ankles

The three joints connecting the leg and the foot are easy to ignore.  But an accidental glimpse of ankle on an otherwise fully-clothed guy can be used to reconstruct the whole body.
















20. The Foot

The foot is the subject of a whole fetish fandom.  But even if you're not "into" feet, take a look sometime.  There is nothing more gender polarized on the human body: it has an unmistakably masculine look.

And you know what they say about big feet -- it's not just a myth.  There's a statistically significant correlation between your foot size and your penis size.  So maybe we should be cruising shoes rather than crotches.

See also: 10 Body Parts That You Didn't Know Were Attractive.
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Beefcake and Bonding in The Seven Ages of Man

August 19, 2015, 5:59 am
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September 12, 1967, a Tuesday night.  I am six years old, almost seven, just beginning first grade at Hansche Elementary School in Racine, Wisconsin.

At 7:30, I want to watch The Invaders, but my parents say no, it will be too scary.  They turn on Red Skelton instead.

The boring, bumbling comedian does a pantomime of Shakespeare's Seven Ages of Man, narrated by Maurice Evans, who plays Samantha's father on Bewitched.

 He starts with a "mewing" baby, which I find hilarious -- only cats mew.

Next is the whining schoolboy, with his satchel and shining morning face, creeping unwillingly to school.

That's cool. I'm a schoolboy!  There are lots of cute boys with shining morning faces in my class.



Hey, this thing is telling me my future!  What's next in my life?

The lover, sighing like a furnace, with a woeful ballad, made to his mistress' eyebrow.

 I don't know what many of those words mean, but Red Skelton acts out a boy who is in love.

There's nobody else around, so I can't tell who he's in love with.  Probably a boy.








Next comes the soldier, full of strange oaths, and bearded like the pard, jealous in honor, sudden and quick in quarrel, seeking the bubble reputation even in the cannon's mouth.

I don't understand anything except jealous, but Red Skelton plays somebody picking a fight.  Maybe they're mad because the same boy likes them both.












Then comes the justice, in fair round belly with good capon lined, with eyes severe and beard of formal cut, full of wise saws and modern instances.

Next I'm going to get fat, and have a beard, and cut things with saws.  That's cool -- fat boys are cute!  Everybody at Hansche School wants to hang out with them.









Next is the lean and slippered pantaloon, with spectacles on his nose and pouch on side, his youthful hose well saved, a world too wide for his shrunken shank, his big, manly voice turning again toward childish treble, pipes and whistles in his sound.

That's a lot of big words.  All I understand is,  I'll have a big, manly voice, wear glasses, and like to whistle.













The last stage is second childishness and mere oblivion, sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.  

So when you're very old, you turn into a kid again, and start hanging around with other kids.

Sounds like a fun life.  I can't wait.

See also: Shakespeare: The Original Gay Poet.




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Swordsmen and Sorcerers of the 1980s

August 20, 2015, 3:21 am
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For over a century, people have been rejecting naturalistic literature to write heroic fantasy.  In Britain, mostly  about unlikely heroes who travel through magic-laden Medieval landscapes to fight ultimate evil (e.g., The Chronicles of Narnia, The Lord of the Rings). In America, mostly about heavily-muscled barbarians who travel through magic-laden ancient worlds to settle personal vendettas (e.g., Fafhrd and the Gray Mouser, Conan the Barbarian).  

Neither type had much luck in the movies, maybe because of the need for special effects.  Or the difficulty in presenting an entire world without lengthy, boring exposition ("The kingdoms of Caldarand and Bobinur have been at war for centuries....)  Or the distinct preference for naturalism in movie-going audiences.

During the 1960s, I can think of only The Magic Sword (1962).

During the 1970s, Wizards (1977), and a terrible animated version of The Lord of the Rings (1978).


Then Arnold Schwarzenegger tore up the scenery as Conan the Barbarian (1982) and Conan the Destroyer (1984), and suddenly every bodybuilder who could read a script was being squeezed into a loincloth and given a magic sword to wield:
Clash of the Titans(1981)
Beastmaster (1982)
The Sword and the Sorcerer (1982)
Ator (1982)
Krull (1983)
Hercules (1983)
Deathstalker (1983)
The Blade Master (1984)
Ladyhawk (1985)
Iron Warrior (1986)
Masters of the Universe (1987)
The Barbarians (1987)...well, you get the idea.

The plots were simple 1980s man-mountain plots, with an evil wizard instead of a drug lord, and a weirdly-named Medieval world instead of Southeast Asia.

And they had a similar appeal for gay kids and teenagers.


1. Endless quantities of beefcake. Muscle men, slim sidekicks, and little kids in loincloths or naked.  Unfortunately, also endless quantities of cheesecake, including lots of female breasts.  Bare. There's always a female warrior who fights semi-nude.

2. The buddy-bonding is strong and powerful, more emotionally compelling than the requisite romance with The Girl.  In Deathstalker, the Deathstalker (Richard Hill) is patently in love with Oghris (Richard Brooker).  In The Barbarians, Kutchek and Gore (Peter and David Paul) never fall in love with anyone (else).



  In Beastmaster, Dar (Marc Singer) forms an alternative family unit with Seth (John Amos) and young prince Tal (Josh Milrad).











3. There are usually kids around for the kids in the audience to identify with.  We see the barbarian hero's early childhood tragedies, to give them a personal motive for adult vendettas.

4. There is usually no fade-out kiss.  The Barbarian is a creature of the wilderness.  He saves civilization but does not reside there, so at the end of the movie, he usually moves on.

By 1995, the fad had run its course, along with the cinematic interest in man-mountains, as beefcake fashions returned to the trim and athletic.

See also: Man-Mountains of the 1980s




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Luke Perry: From Teen Idol to Hot Gay Nerd

August 21, 2015, 3:30 am
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Viewers of the prison drama Oz in the spring of 2001 were treated to the sight of disgraced evangelical preacher Jeremiah Cloutier (Luke Perry) having his towel stolen as he leaves the shower, forcing him to walk back to his cell naked and swinging.

Male frontal nudity was commonplace on Oz, but this was Dylan McKay!

His character was homophobic, but what do you expect from an evangelical preacher?



Luke Perry got some teen idol attention while he was playing troubled Dylan on Beverly Hills 90210 (1990-2000), but not a lot of beefcake shots, so even seeing his tight, hairy chest was a big deal.

The versatile actor has been in several other gay-subtext vehicles:

The Triangle (2001): Two buddies (Luke, Dan Cortese) and a third guy get trapped in the Bermuda Triangle.

 Jeremiah (2002-2005) about two buddies (Luke, Malcolm Jamal Warner) wandering around in a postapocalyptic world.






And he's played gay characters:

Family Guy (2000): When Peter "accuses" Luke Perry of being gay in Meg's school newspaper, he sues them for slander. But he turns out to be gay after all.

Will and Grace (2005): he plays a "hot gay nerd" who Jack dates.

He's a gay ally in real life.
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I Fall Asleep in a Sailor's Arms

August 22, 2015, 5:15 am
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When I was 10 years old, my Grandma Dennis took me on a train trip from the station at Garrett to Washington, DC, and then to Walterboro, South Carolina, to visit my uncle and aunt and cousins.  We didn't get a sleeping car; we just reclined our seats with blankets and pillows.

I was too excited to sleep.  We went through so many interesting cities -- Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, Baltimore, Norfolk, all lit up at night.  And people kept walking through the car -- the conductor, porters, passengers bustling about with suitcases.

About midnight, a cute boy in a sailor suit stumbled into the car and plopped into the seat across the aisle from me.  He was still a teenager, with brown hair and thick hands.  I still remember that he wore a class ring.

He looked over and noticed me staring at him.  "You should be asleep, little man," he said, smiling, in a distinctive Southern accent.  "You know what?  I just saw Santy Claus in the next car, and he told me you should go to sleep or he won't bring you any Christmas presents."

Did he think I was a baby?"I'm ten years old," I said stiffly, offended.  "Too old for Santa Claus."

"Sorry.  Hey, you want to see a magic trick?"

Sure, if it involves you taking your shirt off.  "My Dad was a sailor," I said.  "He went to Japan, Korea, the Philippines, and Hawaii."

"That's great!  I just enlisted, so I haven't been anywhere yet.  I never even been on a train before.  My name is Beau.  That's B-E-A-U.  It's spelled funny because it's French." He reached out his big hand with the class ring.  It enveloped my small hand.  I didn't want to let go.

"My name is Jeff.  I'm visiting South Carolina with my Grandma Dennis."

Grandma Dennis had roused and was watching us with her weird knowing smile.

"Howdy, Jeff's Grandma.  I'm Beau Reynolds, from Morgantown, West Virginia, home of the Fighting Mountaineers."

"Pleased to meet you," she said politely.

I was briefly distracted by a skyline through the window.

"Hey, why don't you sit over here by me? It's a window seat, so you can look out."

"Can I, Grandma?"

"Sure, if you want to. But you should try to get some sleep.  It's late."

"Don't worry, ma'am.  Putting boys to bed is my specialty.  I'll get out my guitar if I have to."

I leapt across the aisle, squeezed past Beau's legs, and climbed into the seat next to him.   I pulled up the armrest so I could cuddle against him.  Our arms touched.

"I...um...I...have a little brother about your age.  He plays football on his junior high team, and he likes hunting and fishing. I bet you'd like him."

"Is he cute?" I said without thinking -- I was too tired to guard myself.

Beau gave me a quizzical stare.  "Well, he's big and tough.  You like hunting?"

"No."

"Fishing?"

"No."

"Playing football?"

"No."

"Um..watching football?"

"No.  I like to watch The Brady Bunch and The Partridge Family.  Do you like Peter or Greg best?  Everybody says they like Greg, but I think Peter is way cuter."

"Yeah, The Brady Bunch, real cool show," he said in a weird hesitant voice.  "Hey, want to hear a dirty joke?"

"Ok," I said with a grin, feeling very grown-up.

Beau said something like this:
Dick Butkiss walks into a bar.  He's like a big, muscular football player, so all the girls think he's cute.  And there's a sissy at the other end of the bar.  So Dick Butkiss sits down, and he's like, got his shirt off and everything, and the sissy can't take his eyes off him.  So Dick Butkiss says, he says, "I'm so lonely I could kiss a cow." And the sissy, the sissy chirps right up.  "Moo!  I say, Moo!"

He laughed and slapped my knee.

I didn't know that Dick Butkus was a real person -- later I discovered that he was a football player, for the Chicago Bears.  

But I liked the part about the "sissy" wanting to kiss him.  I didn't know that there were grownup men who wanted to kiss men.

I was getting sleepy.  I nestled against Beau.  His chest was pleasantly firm.  He smelled of some kind of sweet cologne.

He reclined the seat, and put his arm around me, then wrapped his blanket around us both.  "You got to be careful of them sissies.  Don't make friends with them, or sooner or later they'll try to kiss you."

"Did a sissy ever try to kiss you, Beau?"

He pressed me close.  "Don't worry about me -- I'm all man.  If any sissy tried anything with me, I'd knock his block off!"

Soon after, I fell asleep in Beau's arms.  He got off the train at Norfolk, never knowing that he had spent the night with a "sissy."

I've been trying to understand this memory from my vantage point of 44 years.  A lonely sailor, away from home for the first time, tries to bond with a boy who reminds him of his little brother.  But the boy doesn't like any "manly" activities, just girly stuff like The Brady Bunch.  So he tells him a cautionary tale about sissies trying to kiss you.

But the cautionary tale is about a lonely guy -- like Beau -- meeting a "sissy" -- like me.  Was the Beau trying to remind himself to avoid letting guys get too close, because they might stir uncomfortable desires?

The tale doesn't have an unhappy ending.  We aren't told Dick Butkus's response to the "moo" request.   Maybe he was, indeed, perfectly willing to kiss a man.

I like to think that, when Beau got to his naval base in Norfolk, he was perfectly willing to kiss men, too.

See also: Cousin George: Only Fools Wear Pajamas
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Roy the Farmboy

August 23, 2015, 7:45 am
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No one came out casually in the 1980s, but it didn't take long for me to suspect Roy, the sophomore education major who worked with me at the Eigenmann Hall Snack bar.

He had big hair and wore bright colors, mostly reds and yellows.  He wore rings.  He had an overmodulated, feminine voice and a vocabulary heavy on adjectives.  His manner was a bit swishy.  Ok, a lot swishy.

One night he performed "A Lil' Ole Bitty Pissant Country Place" from The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas!

One of my jobs was to replace the soda and lemonade canisters, which involved swinging 50-pound jugs over my head.  Roy watched with a cruisy gleam in his eye. "Watch it -- you'll fall," he said, and and clapped his hands onto my waist to steady me.  And "accidentally" feel my butt.

The rest of the story is too risque for this blog.  Read it on Tales of West Hollywood.


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That Boy: My First Porn Film

August 24, 2015, 4:26 am
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It may be a little strange to mention a porn film in a G-rated blog, but That Boy (1974) is special.  It was a defining moment in my life, the first gay erotic film I ever saw, in the spring of 1984, during my second year at Indiana University.  My friend Viju and I drove into Indianapolis to go to the bars, and someone invited us to see it with him.  There was a midnight showing in a sleazy theater near Monument Circle.

The star, 32-year old Peter Berlin, moved from Germany to San Francisco in the early 1970s and quickly became a gay icon, appearing in magazines and films, acting as his own cinematographer.  He was renowned for his gleaming, muscular physique and gigantic bulge, but more importantly for his utter lack of guilt, hesitation, and fear.



There was no such thing as a closet in Peter Berlin's world, no such thing as homophobia.  Only endless nights of cruising -- but not the meaningless, destructive tricks that later generations condemned us for.  A glorious sexual freedom that was, in itself, fulfilling enough to be the sole purpose of life.

That Boy has more of a plot than the usual porn film: An unnamed sexual Everyman (Peter) wanders through a bucolic San Francisco, looking at men, and being looked at.  That gaze, being an object of adoration, is even more glorious than the sexual acts themselves.  But then he looks at a boy who does not look back.

Could this be the one person on Earth who does not desire him?  No, the boy is blind, so Peter must try new, different tactics to draw him into the world of sexual freedom.


During his heyday, Peter Berlin was filmed, drawn, photographed, and painted by such greats as Tom of Finland and Andy Warhol, and had several exhibitions of his own work.  Then in the 1980s, AIDS, neoconservative retrenchment, and changing sexual mores made him seem quaintly naive, even dangerous.  He disappeared from the public eye.












Today he is over 70 years old, still living quietly in San Francisco, still happily recalling how he gave a  generation of gay men a glimpse of what it was like to experience sexual desire without apology or regret.

His films Nights in Black Leather and That Boy have been released on DVD, and a documentary, That Man, appeared in 2005.

See also: Raul and I Bankrupt the Gay Porn Industry.


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Andy Warhol: Gay without Pride

August 25, 2015, 3:33 am
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I've been reading the Diaries of Andy Warhol, where the famous pop artist spends about a thousand pages recording how much he spent on cabs during the last ten years of his life (1977-87).  It's tough going.  He knows everybody, and lists them by their first names, so it's hard to figure out who's who.  He spends a lot of time on boring things ("had lunch") and gives promising events a line ("Got a death threat").  He goes to church every day.  He takes a lot of phone calls.

If I didn't know already, I'd have no idea that Warhol was gay.  He mentions attractive men and women both, but he doesn't seem to like gay people.  He complains that a first-name celebrity took him to a benefit, and it turned out to be for fags and lesbians.  He complains about bars being full of fags.  In a restaurant, he discovers that a gay chef made his dinner, and refuses to eat it for fear of contracting AIDS.  He thinks Gay Pride Day is ridiculous (although he doesn't mind photographing the parade).

With all that homophobia going on, what's gay about Andy Warhol?

Homoerotic art, especially early in his career, and films like Blow Job (1964) and Trash (1970).

A homoerotic painting by Jamie Wyeth.

The Factory, where he made his pop art in the 1960s, was a gathering place for bohemians, including drag queens, transgender folk of various types, and rent boys.  That was a lot of visibility for the pre-Stonewall era.

But after Stonewall, Warhol seems to have mostly ran Interview magazine, had lunch with Liza Minelli and Paul Getty Jr., photographed attractive men in their underwear, and complained about fags.

Makes you wonder what the Factory was all about.

Maybe he stopped caring about gays when they stopped think of themselves as sexual outsiders and started fighting for full human dignity?

Gay men and lesbians who think they're just as good as heterosexuals!  How boring!




All accounts state that he was attracted primarily or exclusively to men, but never had a boyfriend, or even a sexual partner.  He preferred to watch rather than touch.

See also: The Andy Warhol Museums; and Walk on the Wild Side.
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12 Things to Like About Autumn

August 26, 2015, 2:40 am
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It's only the 25th of August, still summer according to the sidereal calendar, but in the real world calendar, classes have started, so it's autumn.  My favorite season of the year.

1. Everything is new.  New jobs, new classes, new students, new books, new clothes, new shows on tv, new theater and symphony seasons.  New muscular physiques and bulges to gawk at.

2. The mind-numbing boredom of summer is replaced by days packed with activity.  Everything is vibrant and alive.














3. The mind-numbing loneliness of summer is replaced by crowds of people, returning from their conferences, vacations, visits to relatives, and various excursions, ready to hang out with you again.

4. It gets cool, so you can jog a few miles without getting soaked.







5. People stop longer pressuring you to spend every waking moment outside.  No more hot, fly-infested, uncomfortable picnics, no more sitting on lawn chairs and swatting mosquitos. It's cold out --- go ahead, stay inside and watch tv.

6. Football.  I don't like watching football, but I like watching football fans.

7. The disruptions of summer are over, so you can get back into a regular gym schedule.  And so can dozens of other gym rats for you to sneak peaks at in the locker room.

8. The trees change.  After two decades in Los Angeles and Florida, where they didn't, it's quite a spectacle.


















9. The days get shorter. The sun sets at a normal time, instead of that ungodly 8:00 or 9:00 pm.

10. The best holidays, Halloween and Thanksgiving.  Not to mention my birthday.


11. You can eat again without worry.  Have an apple cider donut or piece of pumpkin pie.  Your cute sweaters and lumberjack shirts will cover it up, anyway.

12. Snow is coming soon.

See also: 10 Things I Hated About Summer and Playing Outside.


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What Happened to the Black Beefcake?

August 27, 2015, 4:26 am
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During the 1960s, there were only a few Black actors working on television, and they never, ever displayed their physiques, not even in teen magazines.


In the 1970s, I liked Mike Evans of The Jeffersons (1975-82) and John Amos of Good Times (1974-79) plus The Mary Tyler Moore Show and Roots -- not the obnoxious stand-out star, Jimmie Walker -- but they were fully clothed in every episode.













Even in the 1980s, The Cosby Show (1984-1992) kept both Malcolm Jamal Warner and Geoffrey Owens (left) under wraps.





What's Happening Now! (1985-88) displayed bodybuilder Haywood Nelson (center) only in a single "accidental male stripper" episode.















The 1990s wasn't much better. Silver Spoons (1982-87)never displayed muscular hunk Alfonso Ribeiro, and  The Fresh Prince of Bel Air (1990-1996) only twice -- once in a swimsuit, and again in another "accidental male stripper" episode. 













Family Matters (1989-99) gave Darius McCrary and "Urkel" Jaleel White one shirtless episode apiece.


Must be Hollywood racism:
1. The presumption that only white bodies are appropriate objects of desire.
2. Or that Black bodies are by definition undesirable.

Whatever the motive, Black beefcake is still rare on television.  And Asian beefcake, rarer still.

See also: The Top 10 Hunks of The Cosby Show.; The Truth about the Black Penis.












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John Wayne was a Sissy

August 28, 2015, 5:12 am
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During the 1950s and 1960s,, John Wayne was the symbol for an all-American frontier masculinity that never really existed, but many people longed for: tough, surly, taciturn, quick with his fists and a gun.  He starred in war movies, dramas, and comedies -- he even played Genghis Khan, but he was most famous as a cowboy hero or antihero in movies with gutsy one- or two-word titles: Hondo, The Searchers, Rio Bravo, True Grit, Big Jake, The Shootist. 

But the "epitome of masculinity" was actually rather gender-transgressive:
1. His real name was the gender-bending Marion.
2. Watch him walk.  He sashays like RuPaul.
3. He had small, delicate hands.
4. He was slim and svelte, nothing like a muscleman.
5. He got his start as a "Sandy Saunders, the Singing Cowboy."
6. In His Private Secretary (1933), his character is a feminine-coded bon vivant who wants to marry a minister's granddaughter, but he's too "debauched."

And he had his share of gay subtexts, surly, taciturn guys with no particular interest in ladies who buddy-bond with the hunkiest star du jour that studios could cram into a cowboy suit.  Just to name a few:

1. The Searchers (1956).  Ethan (John Wayne), who has no particular interest in ladies, buddy-bonds with Martin (screen hunk Jeffrey Hunter) en route to saving a girl from savage Indians.

2. Rio Bravo (1959).  Sheriff John T. Chance (John Wayne) teams up with Colorado Ryan (contemporary teen idol Ricky Nelson).

3. The Comancheros (1961). Texas ranger Jake Cutter (John Wayne) arrests Paul Regret (screen hunk Stuart Whitman), but then needs his help to fight the Comancheros.




4. The Undefeated (1969): former Union and Confederate officers (John Wayne, screen hunk Rock Hudson) must work together to guide a group through war-torn Mexico.

The Duke was notoriously homophobic, even in the days when homophobia was rampant, though he and Rock Hudson managed to work together on the set of The Undefeated.

And racist: in an infamous Playboy interview in 1971, he stated that he believed in white supremacy until "the blacks are educated to the point of responsibility."

Why was he trying so hard to maintain white heterosexual male privilege?  Was it that big a problem for him to share the world with people who were gay, or black, or female?

Sounds like a sissy to me.
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"I'm a Try Something, OK?": Picked Up by the Boy and His Dog

August 28, 2015, 10:17 am
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In Upstate New York, I used to run 4 miles from home to Wilbur Park, then down East Street to Maple, and home again.

One afternoon I was about halfway through the run, when I saw a young kid, a teenager at most, walking a pit bull nearly as big as he was.

I don't like running past dogs -- they sometimes get spooked and start barking.  But the kid was black, and I was afraid to cross the street for fear of being tagged racist.  So I persevered.

I heard growling, then "Janell, heel!  Stop that!" Then the dog lunged forward and bit me on the butt.

"Janell, Janell, stop that!" the boy yelled, jerking the leash.

Grudgingly, growling, Janell the Pit Bull sat.

"Your monster dog just but me on the butt!" I exclaimed.

"I'm sorry, Mister. Janell's really a sweetheart. She just thought your behind was candy, and she want a taste." He grinned at me with that unmistakable appreciation that sets off your gaydar.  I was in no mood for cruising, but I did notice that he was a twink, not a kid -- short, light skinned, solidly built, with dark brown eyes, a broad nose, and sensual lips.

  "You can pet her if you want.  My name's Malik."

I leaned down to pet Janell.  She growled softly.  "I'm Jeff.  And sweetheart or not, my butt hurts."

The rest of the story is on Tales of West Hollywood.

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William Smith: the Bodybuilder of Laredo

August 29, 2015, 3:41 am
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Before Arnold Schwarzenegger gave the bodybuilder a human face, there were two kinds of roles available for him: Italian sword-and-sandal, and American beach bunny, an object of ridicule, vain, silly, sexless.  How dare he try to transform his body into a work of art! Women's bodies were made to be looked at, men's to be ignored.  So bodybuilders who weren't playing beach narcissists had to keep their physiques under wraps.

William Smith worked to change all that.

Born in 1933, Smith graduated from UCLA magna cum laude, and was teaching Russian (one of several languages he spoke fluently), when he began modeling for Bob Mizner's Athletic Model Guild, which published  many other posing-strap-clad hunks (Gary Conway, Glen Corbett, Randy Jackson) for a mostly-gay male fanbase.  He was also a regular at Henry Willson's infamous gay-and-gay-friendly parties.



He was also acting intermittently, with roles in projects as diverse as Meet Me in St. Louis, The Boy with Green Hair, Wagon Train, and The Nutty Professor.  

When he signed on for Laredo (1965-67), he was already accustomed to presenting his body as an object of male and female desire.  It would not be one of the stereotypic Westerns of the period.





1. Other Western heroes were loners, or had unattractive, sexually unavailable sidekicks, but Laredo, like Alias Smith and Jonesa few years later, was about buddy-bonding.  Two hunky Texas rangers, Chad Cooper (Peter Brown) and Joe Riley (William Smith), worked together, played together, and had eyes only for each other, in spite of Chad's occasional dalliance with the feminine.  The actors remained close friends for the rest of their lives.



2. Other Western heroes were often displayed nude or shirtless in movie magazines, but almost never on screen, especially if they were bodybuilders.  But Joe Riley had his shirt ripped off in practically every episode.  Usually when he was captured by the bad guys, to give him some vulnerability, so his massive physique wouldn't scare the audience.







After Laredo, Smith continued to work in Westerns (Daniel Boone, Death Valley Days, The Virginian) until the genre faded away in the 1970s, and then in cop shows and mysteries.  He had big hits in Rich Man, Poor Man (1976) as the villainous Falconetti, and in Conan the Barbarian (1982) as Conan's father.












His most recent project, Tiger Cage (2012), comes after nearly 300 movie and tv show appearances over a period of 70 years, not to mention producing, directing, bodybuilding, boxing, and even writing poetry.  But few of his accomplishments can match the simple power of demonstrating to the world that the male body can be a thing of beauty.

See also: Peter Brown, the Buddy-Bonding Cowboy.


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Razzle Dazzle:1970s Variety Shows

August 30, 2015, 1:56 am
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When I was a kid, I hated variety shows like Carol Burnett. even though the dancers wore tight pants.  So I tried my best to avoid the several thousand comedy-variety hours that populated the late 1970s.
But sometimes it was impossible.  They kept featuring movie superstars, or they were squeezed in between shows I wanted to watch, or my brother, a big fan of 1970s music, thought they were cool.

After a tv special in November 1976, The Brady Bunch Variety Hour appeared in January 1977.  It was a must-see because I wanted to know how the Brady kids had grown up. Barry Williams and Christopher Knight were dreamy, of course, but the big surprise was Mike Lookinland, still a kid when The Brady Bunch ended, but now, three years later, grown into a teenage hunk who was poured into his white leisure suit.

You could almost overlook the tacky costumes, weird numbers ("Do the Hustle") and crazy plot twists (Lee Majors and Farrah Fawcett asleep in the Brady living room?).

And the 1970s guest stars they kept trotting out to boost ratings: Vincent Price, H.R. Pufnstuf, The Hudson Brothers, Paul Williams.




But really it was about the blossoming of Michael Lookinland.

By the way Michael was the only Brady to do a lot of non-Brady projects during the 1970s, including The Mighty Isis with Tommy Norden of Flipper, a Disney movie with Mitch Vogel, and this commercial, apparently about putting him into the tighest pants they could find.

On Saturday mornings in 1974, after Shazam!,there was nothing on but The Pink Panther and the laughtrack-infused Hudson Brothers Razzle Dazzle Show, starring three middle-aged men with blatant bulges and disco shirts opened to reveal slim hairy chests.

The Hudson Brothers, Bill, Brett, and Mark, had some minor hits such as "So You Are a Star" and "The Truth About Us," but in the Leif Garrett era they weren't pretty or androgynous enough to draw a lot of teen idol attention, even though they made a whopping 16 episodes.



Brett, the youngest of the group (only 24 in 1977) has been the subject of some gay rumors.











The Keane Brothers had the opposite problem -- they were aged 11 and 12 when their show (called The Keane Brothers, naturally) appeared in the summer of 1977. The youngest kids ever to host a prime-time variety series, they were too young for most teenagers to consider adequately dreamy.

How did they get big names like Burt Reynolds, Betty White, and Andy Williams to guest star?

And whose idea was it to put them up against Donny & Marie on Friday nights?  No wonder they just lasted four episodes.





Teen magazines sort of skipped over them.  I don't know what this photo is about.  Maybe the photographer talked Tom into a shirtless shot, but he chickened out at the last minute.


And then there was Tony Orlando & Dawn, The Bay City Rollers Show, Sonny & Cher, The John Davidson Show, The Jacksons, Shields & Yarnell, Pink Lady and Jeff.

See also: The Brady Bunch Dad

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My Babysitter's a Vampire

August 31, 2015, 5:11 am
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When you're a gay kid, the adults want desperately to believe that you don't exist, and they'll try their hardest to make you believe it, too. So the tv programs, movies, books, comics, and toys that the adults produce for you will proclaim it, loudly and incessantly.

The Disney Channel program My Babysitter's a Vampire (2011-) tows the heterosexist party line: every boy drools and pants over attractive girls, every girl moans with longing over attractive boys.  Conversations constantly return to "Do you think that girl's hot?  Or that one?  Or that one?"

But like many Disney Channel programs, from Even Stevensto The Wizards of Waverly Place, there are plenty of subtexts if you know what to look for.

The title is misleading; the vampire Sarah (Vanessa Morgan) is actually hired to babysit the baby sister of nerdish Ethan (Matthew Knight, left).

But then she discovers that he is a Seer, able to have visions of paranormal disruptions.  Not only that, his best buddy Benny (Atticus Mitchell) is a witch (aka a spellmaster).








Soon they become a paranormal investigation team, assisted by two other teenage vampires, Rory (Cameron Kennedy) and Erica (Katey Todd).  There's a lot of paranormal disruption going on:

A pack of demonic dogs is unleashed
A demonic doll sucks the life energy out of mortals
A demonic scout leader tries to kidnap all of the town's children
There are werewolves, zombies, mummies, Frankenstein monsters
And a gang of evil vampires.










Defeating the baddie of the week leaves little time for romance, so the "Do you think that girl's hot?" interrogations become merely window-dressing.  The most intimate emotional -- and physical bonds come between Ethan-Benny and Sarah-Erica, who often split up to investigate separately.






Not to mention the gay symbolism of the vampire, noticed by scholars as long ago as Dark Shadows: the vampire's bite is a type of sexual congress, and the teenage boy vampires who populate Whitechapel don't even try to hide the homoerotic portent of their desire.

And the constant beefcake.  Who knew that vampires take off their shirts all the time, or re-morph from weird transformations completely nude?
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My Date or Trick with Mario in the White Room

September 1, 2015, 5:01 am
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In spite of my nostalgia-infused memories of West Hollywood as a paradise, it had some big problems.  For one thing, it was completely segregated.  Only 3% of its residents were black, 5% Asian, and 10% Hispanic (compared to Los Angeles in general, 10%, 11%, and 47%).

You rarely saw anyone black on the streets, and when you did, he was with a white guy, and being charged a hefty cover to get into the bar, or waiting extra-long for the server to notice him in the restaurant.

But this isn't a story about institutional racism and microaggressions.  It's about a guy named Mario.

Nearly every day, I stopped into the Different Light Bookstore on Larrabee.  I joked that I was moving the entire stock into my apartment.

And one day I saw Mario browsing in the theater section.

He was rather feminine, thin and willowy, wearing gold rings, bracelets, and necklaces -- an immediate turnoff.  But he was shorter than me, dark skinned, with glasses that gave him a studious look.  So when he approached me, started a conversation about gay literature, and invited me to dinner at the Greenery, I agreed.

The rest of the story is too risque for Boomer Beefcake and Bonding.  You can read it on Tales of West Hollywood.
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Superman: You'll Believe a Man Can Fly

September 2, 2015, 4:23 am
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Superman first flew in 1938, and for the next 40 years he had comic books, movie serials, cartoons, and radio and tv series, but no feature films.  Nor, for that matter, did any superhero except for the tongue-in-cheek Batman (1966).

That all changed in December 1978.


 It was a dreary winter, dark, cold, and snowy, with movies about angst, tragedy, and lost love: The Deer Hunter, Same Time Next Year, California Suite, Moment by Moment, Oliver's Story.  I was depressed; a semester into college, and I hadn't met any gay people, or learned of any gay writers except Shakespeare and Oscar Wilde.  Superman was a bright spot, a cozy childhood memory (though it too had a cave of ice).

Director Richard Donner was careful to include every familiar aspect of the Superman myth: the doomed planet Krypton, the elderly farm couple of Smallville, the Daily Planet, Perry White, Lois Lane, Jimmy Olsen, the Fortress of Solitude, Lex Luthor. And some from the familiar TV Superman of the 1950s, who used to change clothes in a phone booth (no old-style phone booths left in 1978).

Indeed, everyone was so busy checking off their list of Superman conventions that they forgot to pay attention to the plot: Lex Luthor plans to drop a nuclear bomb on the San Andreas Fault, thus causing California to slip into the ocean, whereup he will get rich by selling prime oceanside real estate in Nevada.

Ok, that was ridiculous even for a comic book.

The Man of Steel was played by 26-year old Christopher Reeve, a virtual unknown (he had one movie credit and a few tv appearances). He was hired for his muscles, his square jaw, and for his uncanny ability to be both sexy and wholesome at the same time.

He didn't disrobe during the movie, but he favored us with some beefcake shots in teen magazines and in the faux-gay After Dark.

 He was interviewed in gay magazines, an almost unprecedent act of solidarity in the 1970s, and in 1982 he played a gay character, the protege of playwright Sidney Bruhl (Michael Cane) in Death Trap.  I can still remember the gasps of shock when the two characters kissed on-camera.



Gay-positive Christopher Reeve and his studly physique provided the only gay interest in Superman.  No buddy-bonding in high school, no boy pal, no subdued homoromantic sniping with Lex Luthor.

It was a heterosexual love story, and rather a sappy one.  Audiences twittered and squirmed when Superman and Lois Lane (Margot Kidder) flew endlessly through the skies of Metropolis hand in hand, while Lois thought: "Can you feel what I feel? Do you know what you're doing to me?"

On the other hand, she wasn't a complete Girl Scout.  She asked, "How big are you...um, I mean, how tall?", leading to considerable speculation about the Man of Steel's package.



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