NYSocBoy's Beefcake and Bonding

When I moved to Upstate New York in the fall of 2008, my social calendar was soon crowded with invitations from members of the Gang of Twelve, guys who had known each other for years, and who shared everything, from gossip to boyfriends.

They had a hierarchy. The Upper Class got the first shot at the New Kid in Town: The Rich Kid, The Grabby Nurse, and The Satyr .

Next came the Middle Class: The Truck Driver, The Rapper (though they cut in line due to the special circumstances of their breakup), The Klingon, and The Sword Swallower.

By March 2009, I was getting calls from members who were not at all well off financially, but some of the more attractive of the Gang of Twelve. Like the Pitcher.

Date #8: The Pitcher with a Secret Move

He was, in fact, a former pitcher for the semi-pro Oneonta Tigers. Now he worked as a desk clerk at a hotel in Oneota, and was a volunteer umpire every year at the Cooperstown Dream Park.

The selfie he sent showed a guy in his 40s, broad-shouldered, muscular, clean-shaven, with "matinee idol" good looks.

He had been friends with several members of the Gang of Twelve for years, and dated a couple of them, but the usually-gossipy bunch didn't say much about his past, and nothing about his bedroom activities.

I was intrigued. Maybe he was spectacular, and they didn't want to ruin the surprise. Or awful, and they didn't want to ruin the surprise.

Turns out he was great, except for that sports thing, and one other problem.

See if you can guess what it was:.

First clue: He arrived at my apartment for our date all hot and sweaty from the gym, and asked if he could take a shower first. Of course I wanted a glimpse of his physique, and "accidentally" walked in while he was putting on his underwear.

Very distinctive: white mesh, extending from his waist to just above his knee.

"Are you a Mormon?" I asked.

"Oh, no, this is French. Very comfortable. And it shows off my basket nicely, don't you think?"

I had to agree that it did.

"I always wear it to gym It gets me lots of attention."

Second clue: We went out to dinner at a Thai restaurant (since he was not well-off financially, I paid).

The Pitcher didn't say a lot about his past, so I didn't bring up my usual stories of my date with Richard Dreyfuss, the bodybuilding contest in Turkey, or how I single-handedly bankrupted the porn industry. Instead, we talked about gay rights, tv -- he was a big fan of RuPaul's Drag Race -- and -- yawn -- sports.

"Which date with the Gang of Twelve have you liked best so far?" he asked. "Myself excluded, of course."

"I can tell you the one liked the least -- the Sword Swallower. He freaked me out!"

"I know!" the Pitcher said. "I've told him a dozen times to tell people what he's into, don't just spring it on them. For instance, I'm into a lot of things. But do I just jump into it? Of course not. I always talk to the guy first."

"What, exactly, are you into?" I asked.

"Oh, lots of things...bondage, spanking, water sports, master-slave scenes, talking dirty, underwear, leather, drag, porn, shoes, feet. Do you find any of that appealing?"

"Definitely the leather and the underwear," I said with a grin. "Of course, I like the guy best when he's out of his clothes."

Third clue: After dinner, I invited the Pitcher back to my apartment, but he refused. "I have to go to work at midnight. But how about next weekend? Come over Sunday night, and I'll fix you a nice big home-cooked dinner. Then afterwards we can see what happens."

So the next Sunday I went to the Pitcher's place -- a small house trailer in Milford -- for a dinner of brisket, matzah ball soup, mashed potatoes, beets, and hamentaschen (someone in the Gang of Twelve told him I was Jewish).

Then we sat on the couch, watching The Amazing Race and Desperate Housewives, and kissing and fondling.

He let me grope his fancy French underwear, but when I tried to reach under his shirt, he moved my hand away.

When Desperate Housewives was over, the Pitcher said: "Well, it looks like we've gotten to know each other. Why don't you slip out of those clothes? I'll be right back."

I assumed that he had to use the bathroom, but instead he disappeared into the bedroom. I heard the door lock -- no peeking this time!

He wanted to get undressed in private? Weird.

I took off my clothes and waited on the couch. And waited. And clicked through the channels. And waited. And wondered if it would be impolite to help myself to more hamentaschen.

Was he putting on some fancy fetish gear? Preparing for a bondage scene? I was about ready to knock on the door and see if he had fainted.

Finally the door clicked open, and the Pitcher appeared.

Have you figured it out yet?

More after the break:

The Pitcher was wearing mascara, fake eyelashes, lipstick, and a red wig. Red press-on fingernails.

A bra, panties (not fancy French underwear), red lace pantyhose, and high heeled shoes. .

WTF? "Um...um..." I was speechless. It was like The Crying Game in reverse.

The Pitcher looked confused. "What's wrong? I told you I was into drag."

"Yeah, but it was one thing in a list of 30! I thought we'd be doing a bondage scene."

He sat next to me on the couch. "You definitely said you were into underwear."

"No, no...manly underwear! Jock straps! Not lady's underwear!"

"Well, we seem to have had a miscommunication."

"That's a bit of an understatement! Could you...you know, go back into the bedroom and take it off?"

" No -- no, I only like being with guys when I'm dressed up. It's the only way I can relax and let myself get into it." He put a red-nailed hand on my shoulder. "Have you ever tried it with a guy who's dressed up? You might like it."

"I'm pretty sure I wouldn't. Sorry."

I don't mean to imply that the Pitcher's problem was enjoying bedroom activities in drag -- there's nothing wrong with wearing lady's clothing, whenever and wherever you like. His problem was keeping it a secret, especially from the guys he planned to take into his bedroom. Or revealing it in impenetrable code, as if it were something shameful.

There's a secret that all college professors know, but students don't.

We can see what they are doing in class.

We're standing, and they're sitting, so we always have an excellent view of the first row. In small classes, or classrooms arranged in tiers, we have an excellent view of everyone.

So we know when they're trying to type a text message, or sneak a peek at their notes during an exam.

And other things.

College students don't check their erotic desires at the lecture hall door, and 21-year olds don't even need an erotic stimulus -- things just happen.

Bulging and tenting. And hands moving down there, trying to cover it. Sometimes even helping it along.

Ordinarily I enjoy such spectacles, but not when I'm on the job, trying to work.

I had a colleague who used to walk up to tenting students and ask "Do you need to be excused to take care of that?"

But I won't reprimand the student -- to acknowledge that I have noticed would be terribly embarrassing for both of us.

So I just ignore it.

I have only mentioned it to the student once, when I was teaching in Dayton. The student -- I'll call him Raheem -- sat in a tier where his lap was exactly at my eye level.

And he wasn't just trying to cover an occasional tent. Two or three times per class, he slid his his hand all the way down into his pants, felt around for a few moments to make sure everything was arranged properly, and slid his hand out again.

It was very distracting, to me and no doubt to the students around him.

I asked my faculty mentor what to do. He said "Raheem is obviously a homophobe, trying to get a rise out of you so he can claim sexual harassment, You should confront him and tell him that his behavior is inappropriate."

But Raheem wasn't looking at me during his beneath-the-belt explorations. He was staring into space, bored by the lecture and letting his mind wander. No doubt to erotic thoughts.

So I sent him an email:

"I'm sure you don't realize it, but from my position in the front of the class, I'm looking directly at your lap. So be careful not to sneak a text message or do anything else that you don't want me to know about."

How would Raheem respond? Would he not understand what I meant? Would he angrily deny doing anything? Would he say "I was hoping to get your attention!"

He didn't respond to my email, but the next day after class, he came up to my desk and wordlessly handed me an envelope. It contained a beautiful "Thank You" card with the inscription "Thanks for the heads-up! I'll be more careful!"

The beneath-the-belt explorations stopped. But soon I discovered the reason for them -- when Raheem didn't rearrange himself, he spent most of the class sessions tenting.

That was even more distracting.

See also: My Student Gets Naked in Class.

Boomer kids know Brian Kerwin as the bumbling, naive deputy Birdie Hawkins on the trucker drama BJ and the Bear (1979) and its spin off, Sheriff Lobo (1979-81). Though he played second banana to the con-artist sheriff Lobo (Claude Akins), he was popular enough to gain some teen idol attention, including some beefcake shots.

But Brian Kerwin had a long career before and after Lobo. At first his boyish, "all-American" good looks and lanky, muscular physique got him cast in many Western and redneck roles: a pioneer on The Chisholms (along with Ben Murphy of Alias Smith and Jones); someone named T. J. Swackhammer in Hometown U.S.A.; a Civil War soldier in The Blue and the Gray; a country-western singer's love interest in Blue Grass. More recently he has moved on to play New Sensitive Men and heterosexual romantic leads.

But he also has some gay-friendly credits.

In Torch Song Trilogy (1988), Brian plays Ed Reese, a bisexual who dates Arnold (Harvey Fierstein) before he meets Alan (Matthew Broderick)

On the tv series Beggars and Choosers (1999-2001), Brian played Rob Malone, president of a struggling tv network, with a gay coworker played by Tuc Watkins.

He was the executive producer of Common Ground (2000), a ground-breaking tv movie about gay life in the 1950s, the 1970s, and the 1990s, written by famous gay writers Paula Vogel, Terrence McNally, and Harvey Fierstein, and starring a laundry list of big-name stars: Jason Priestley, Margot Kidder, Mimi Rogers, Eric Stoltz, Jonathan Taylor Thomas.

And on stage, in Edward Albee's The Goat, or Who is Sylvia (2005), he plays a man who's romantically involved with a goat -- which tends to lessen everyone's shock when his son announces that he is gay.

Over thirty years ago, I was struggling to "figure it out" in the Year of the Cat, and my quest was illustrated by the songs of Rod/Al Stewart. I couldn't turn on the radio without hearing his wheezy, gravelly voice wailing out a ballad with a story attached.

And the stories were always about coming out.

I didn't find out until researching this post that they were two different people.

It's still hard to tell them apart. Both British, born in 1945, both with that androgynous 1970s look.

When you do a google image search, you get more shirtless and swimsuit clad photos of Rod.

For Al, all you get are a lot of photos that the search engine insists are him, but aren't. Like this one.

Al's songs were easier to find a gay subtext in.

"On the Border":
About a revolution in your mind..

"Time Passages":
The years are slipping by, and you're not finding it.

"Year of the Cat":
In a Latin American country, you meet a girl whose dress is running in the rain. She brings you to a hidden door. You go inside, spend the night, and realize that you've lost your ticket, so you're going to stay awhile.

I guess it's supposed to be about a romantic interlude, but I found it rather sinister. The girl is using some kind of black magic to keep you trapped in a heterosexual prison.

"Broadway Hotel"
You told the man in the Broadway Hotel
Nothing was stranger than being yourself
And he replied, with a tear in his eye

Love was a rollaway.

You tried finding love everywhere, and then you met the man in the Broadway hotel.

Most of Rod's songs were aggressively about girls! girls! girls! So it took a little tweaking to make them about being gay.

"Tonight's the Night."
You draw the shades, pour the wine, and prepare to have sex with a virgin girl, because "tonight's the night." But drop the "girl," and you're preparing to have sex with a man.

"You're in my Heart":
You're an essay in glamour -- please pardon the grammar, but you're every schoolboy's dream.

Ok, well, I'm pretty sure that Shaun Cassidy was every schoolboy's dream.

"I Was Only Joking":
Rod and his friends were Valentinos, and broke some hearts, without specifying who those hearts belonged to.

And one that never got air time -- at least, I never heard it, was about a gay guy.

"The Killing of Georgie":
His friend George was killed in a homophobic hate crime. It actually uses the word "gay," a rarity in 1977.

See also: Subtext Songs of the 1980s; and Goodbye, Yellow Brick Road; and Kissing Boys to the BeeGees.

When I moved to Upstate New York in the fall of 2008, my social calendar was soon crowded with invitations from members of the Gang of Twelve, guys who had known each other for years, and who shared everything, from gossip to boyfriends.
1-2. The Rich Kid and the Crying Truck Driver.
3-4. The Rapper, and the Grabby Nurse.
5. The Satyr and his roommate Chad, who I dated through the fall and winter.
6-7. The Klingon and the Sword Swallower.
8. The Pitcher with a Secret Move.

Date #9: The Stonewall Veteran

One day in the spring of 2009, the Rich Kid told me "There's a guy you have to meet." I thought he was setting me up on another date, but instead, we drove to an assisted living facility in Oneonta. There was an elderly man in a wheelchair sitting by a window in the dayroom, reading a large-print version of Tales of the City. The Rich Kid hugged him affectionately.

"Is this your lover?" the Stonewall Veteran asked.

"No, no. We went out a couple of times, but it didn't work out."

"Your loss. Can I have him?"

The Rich Kid grinned. "Sure -- he's yours. If you can handle him."

"Oh, I've handled some big ones in my time." The Stonewall Veteran patted me on the knee. "Let me tell you about my night with James Dean."

The Stonewall Veteran told me that he grew up in Cooperstown, served in the Korean War, worked as a longshoreman, slept with James Dean, belonged to the Mattachine Society (the first gay rights organization in the U.S.), and participated in the Stonewall Riots, the dawn of the modern gay world.

In 1982, he moved back Upstate to take care of his elderly parents, and got a job at the Otesaga Resort. There he met the 18-year old Rich Kid, and became his first lover.

"He was quite a hunk!" the Rich Kid exclaimed.

Over the years, he was also in relationships with the Satyr, the Grabby Male Nurse, and the Truck Driver. He was a fixture in the Gang of Twelve.

He retired in 1998, and lived on a fixed income in a tiny apartment in Cooperstown.

In 2005, the Rich Kid paid for him to move into an assisted living facility, and visited him every Saturday afternoon.

Not really a date, but nice.

Date #10: The Bodybuilder in the Park

I saw the Bodybuilder long before I knew he belonged to the Gang of Twelve. Whenever I went jogging in the park near my apartment, he was there. He had a weight bench on the grass, and he was doing some bench presses and bicep curls with weights that he brought over in a battered red pickup truck.

He was in his 50s, a little shorter than me, with a rather scraggy, unattractive face, but ripped! Massive chest and shoulders -- six pack abs -- not an ounce of body fat anywhere.

Then I saw him at the Utica Gay Men's Social.

Asking around, I learned that he preferred younger guys -- both the Klingon and the Rapper had dated him -- so I figured I was out of the running. But no, the Sword Swallower called him and arranged for us to meet in the park.

Right after his daily workout -- so he was positively shredded!

As we walked the three mile jogging path, the Bodybuilder told me the harrowing story of his life. Growing up fundamentalist, marrying a preacher's daughter. Guilt over same-sex desire pushing him into alcohol and drugs. Losing his job and his house, living on the streets for awhile. Having his first same sex experience at the age of 42, unprotected, and getting infected with HIV.

Now he was clean and sober, living in a residential hotel near the park, and in good health, thanks to the United Methodist Church, the Rural AIDS Project, and his AIDS Buddy, the Sword Swallower.

He recognized that this was a lot to spring on a guy on the first date. But there was more.

He was on a strict macrobiotic diet, meditated for an hour every morning, went to bed at 9:00 pm without fail, and practiced only the safest of safe sex -- no deep kissing, condoms for everything else. "Are you sure you want to go forward with this?"

Well...you know, he was shredded. Besides, I was running out of gay men in Upstate. Why not give it a try?

So we went back to my apartment and did things that didn't require the exchange of body fluids. Then the Bodybuilder said "I've been waiting all my life for this moment."

That was a little weird! But it was nothing compared to our second date.

We went to lunch at the Undercover Eggplant. a hippie-vegetarian place in Oneonta, followed by the Catskills Art Fair.

Which was fun. But the Bodybuilder's conversation wasn't:

"Can you come to church tomorrow? I want to introduce you to some of the guys."Ok.

"We're having dinner with my brother and his family on Thursday. I said we'd bring a macrobiotic dessert." Meeting the relatives on the third date?

"When's your birthday? I want to start planning your party now." Um...not for six months. What makes you think we'll be together then?

"I don't need to give notice at the hotel. It goes week by week. So I can move in whenever you want."Ok, too fast. Way too fast! What's next? Cemetery plots?

Since we only went out twice, I didn't think there was any need for a formal break-up. I just didn't call anymore. Our only contact was at the Truck Driver's birthday party and in the park: I waved as I was jogging past.

Still, for months, the Bodybuilder told all of his friends and colleagues that we were a couple. Two months later, I got an invitation in the mail to a support group for the partners of HIV Positive men.

The Klingon and the Rapper told me the same thing -- one or two dates, then no contact, and the Bodybuilder continuing to cling for months.

This turned out to be quite a problem with dating new guys. They often hesitated, thinking that I was proposing an illicit affair.

Formed in 1971 by Glenn Frey, Don Henley, Bernie Leadon, and Randy Meisner, the Eagles were one of the biggest bands of the 1970s. Like Rod and Al Stewart, their songs were ballads, sung in a haunting tone, with cryptic lyrics.

And excruciatingly heterosexist, about a man longing for The Woman He Lost, or else about a man being destroyed by an Evil Woman.

But in high school in the 1970s, I made them symbolic of my quest to escape the heterosexist wife-house-factory trajectory that all the adults were plotting out for me, and find...what else was there?

One of these Nights: September 1975, when I first learned about "Swishes" (our derogatory term for gay people), and the "what girl do you like" interrogations intensified.

The full moon is calling, the fever is high
And the wicked wind whispers, and moans

The narrator's soul is destroyed by an Evil Woman. What better indictment of the heterosexist mandate to "like girls!"

Lyin' Eyes: October 1975, when I started working as an athletic trainer, and saw vast numbers of naked jocks in the locker room:

On the other side of town a boy is waiting, with fiery eyes and dreams no one could steal.

An Evil Woman is cheating on her husband. But all I heard was the boy with fiery eyes waiting for me.

Take It to the Limit: January 1976, when I befriended a girl who wanted to marry Donny Osmond, but everyone thought we are romantic partners, and my father constantly evoked my future as her husband, working in the factory, living in a small square house, dying inside.

Put me on a highway, and show me a sign,
And take it to the limit one more time

The narrator is driving down the highway to return to The Woman He Lost. But all I heard was escape.

New Kid in Town: March 1977, when I was dating Verne, the preacher's son, but worried that he would leave me for someone else (turns out he left me because he got a girl pregnant):

You're walking away and they're talking behind you
They will never forget you 'til somebody new comes along

The narrator is back in town after a long absence, trying to return to The Woman He Lost. But all I heard was the possibility of loss.

Hotel California: June 1977, when I danced with a leatherboy at a church conference in Switzerland, and thought for the first time that someone I knew might be gay.

Mirrors on the ceiling, and pink champagne on ice, and she said,
"We are all just prisoners here, of our own device."

The narrator is drawn into a surrealistic hotel, where his soul is destroyed by an Evil Woman. It's meant to be an indictment of the glitzy California lifestyle, complete with gay people: "a lot of pretty, pretty boys she called friends."

But all I heard was a nightmare of heterosexual agony, with girls plying you with champagne and pretty boys who can only be friends, and there's no escape:

"Relax," said the Nightman, "We are programmed to receive.
You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave."

Except maybe in the arms of a leatherboy in Switzerland, who "danced to forget."

See also: Rod and Al Stewart.

When I was a kid in the 1970s, I bought any comic book with a loincloth-clad muscleman on the cover: endless Tarzan clones with chittering monkeys on their shoulders, sword-wielding barbarians withi naked ladies hugging their thighs; cavemen from 1,000,000 BC and the postapocalyptic future.

I thought I had all of the bases covered, until one summer at the Denkmann School Carnival, I came across a pile of Dell Comics featuring Toka the Jungle King. Someone donated five of the 10-issue series (1964-67).

Toka was distinct among the various jungle lords for two reasons.

1. He was Indian, drawn with black hair and brown skin (except on the last five covers, where for some reason, probably racism, he becomes a white guy).

2. He was 431 years old.

When the Inca Emperor Atahualpa was executed by the Spanish conquistadors in 1533, a priest named Balsa Cuzco rescued his infant son, fled to the Amazon jungle, and put them both into a magical sleep. They awakened 411 years later, and Toka grew into a grew up in a loincloth-clad muscleman.

Though he was the Once and Future King, destined to restore the exiled Inca empire, Toka didn't do a lot of rebelling against the Peruvian government. The most he could muster was protecting his tribe from natural disasters like volcanos and fire ants, and getting captured by upstarts challenging his authority.

More commonly he was out in the jungle, getting captured by explorers: "That's Quechua! An ancient Incan dialect that hasn't been spoken for 400 years!"

Um...in Spanish class we learned all about Quechua. It was spoken by 8.9 million people in Peru, Bolivia, and Chile!

The top photo is a Quecha speaker getting ready to pound someone during the Takankuy festival (where people dress up in distinctive costumes and get into fistfights).

Toka also rescues ladies in distress. But unlike Conan, Tarzan, and the others, Toka is not interested in girls.

In the five issues I read, he doesn't even know that heterosexual desire exists. When one of his rescued damsels -- an archaeologist who specializes in ancient Incan dialects, like Quecha -- starts smiling at him, he has no idea why.

When he drops a "she-Jivaro" at her people, she doesn't want to go. Toka asks himself: "Why does she wail and beat her head? Could all her misfortunes have weakened her brain?"

I don't know if I liked Toka or not. He and all of the other tribesmen were massively muscular, and the lack of heterosexual interest was refreshing, but -- that Quechua thing!

None of my Spanish teachers or textbooks ever mentioned Takanakuy, the beefcake festival held every Christmas Day in the Quechua-speaking villages of Peru.

On Christmas morning, everyone in the village goes to Mass to celebrate the birth of the Prince of Peace. Then, they gather in the town square. Some wear leather jackets and colorful ski masks with dead birds on their heads to show how dangerous they are. Some are shirtless, their muscles spectacle enough.

Then they pair off for Takanakuy (Quechua for beating each other up).

Kicking and punching are allowed, but no biting and no weapons. You can grab and squeeze all you want, and rip your opponent out of his clothes.

The fights are used to settle any disputes that have arisen during the year, but more often they are displays of machismo, village men deciding who is toughest. But at the end of the fight, the participants have to hug.

Outsiders are welcome to participate.

It's a celebration of not only machismo but muscle, a spectacle of male bodies.

Recently the festival has spread into the urban areas of Cuzco and Lima, to the consternation of Peruvian officials trying to outlaw it.

It's a losing battle. Andeans have many festivals that involve demonstrations of beefcake and machismo.

The Aymara of Bolivia have a Tinku fesival.

Warachikuy, a festival of athletic competitions between young men, includes fighting.

Ch'iyar Jaqhi and Tupay Tuqtu are ritual battles fought by the entire village.

See also: The Penis Festival of Easter Island.

Like the Disney Channel, Nickelodeon's teencoms and animated series are usually broadcast in programming blocks, with introductions, game shows, interviews, and interstitial comments by teen hosts, some hunks in their own right, some gay, all providing first crushes to kids tuning in.

Wild & Crazy Kids (1990-1992) was hosted by Donnie Jeffcoat, who is rumored to be gay, and Omar Gooding.

Slime Time Live (2000-2003) was hosted by the muscular and bulgeworthy Dave Aizer (left), Jonah Travick, and Jessica Holmes.

Nick Studio 10 (2013-) is hosted by Troy Doherty (left), who appeared in the teen spy movie Sam Steele and the Crystal Chalice (2011), plus Noah Grossman and Malika Samuels.

U-Pick Live (2002-2005) was the most ambitious, hosted by the rather flamboyant Brent Popolizio and Candace Bailey. It had comedy sketches, surreal humor, and new characters.

I don't know what they were thinking with the superhero parody Pickboy (Jeff Sutphen), who helped kids pick what shows to watch and became a pop culture icon. His costume, with the underwear on the outside, revealed the biggest bulge since Burt Ward tried to cram his superheroic endowment into a leotard on Batman. Didn't anyone notice?

Jeff Sutphen, by the way, is a Nickelodeon regular, host of a number of game shows.

Heterosexism is commonplace in the "girl! girl! girl!' banter of popular music. But some songs are so heterosexist, homophobic, or otherwise horrible that I literally can't stand to hear them. If they come on tv, I click the channel, and if I can't find the remote, I run from the room. If they're playing in a store, I leave. And heaven help the friend who starts singing one of them!

1. "It's a Man's World" (James Brown, 1966)

It's a man's world, but you're nothing...nothing at all, without a woman!

(See: Homophobic Moments in Music)

2. "She Bangs" (Ricky Martin, 2000).

A gay guy singing about how much he likes the way a girl moves, and then a pun on "shebang" and a dirty phrase for sex. Can't get any more Uncle Tom than that.

3. "Stand Tall" (Burton Cummings, 1976)

December 1976: I was home sick, looking for a gay comic book, and thinking "No way am I a swish!" And I heard on the radio:

Stand tall, don't you fall, don't go and do something foolish
All you're feeling right now is silly human pride.

Right, not gay, don't do anything foolish.

4. "Lady" (Kenny Rogers, 1980).

October 1980. I was cruising at the levee, looking for love, negotiating the incessant "what girl do you like?" chants of my family and friends. And I heard:

Lady, I'm your knight in shining armor, and I love you.
Let me hold you in my arms forever more....

5. "When Doves Cry" (Prince and the Revolution, 1984).

June 1984: I'm on my way to Hell-fer-Sartain State University for the worst year of my life, and this ultra-feminine, super-gay coded guy starts singing about a heterosexual breakup:

How can you just leave me standing, alone in a world so cold?
Maybe I'm just too demanding
Maybe I'm just like my father, too bold

6. "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" (Judy Garland, 1944).

Once I was sick and stayed home on Christmas day, and the drag queen next door was playing this horror by gay icon Judy Garland over and over and over. It's still the main cause of the spike in suicides every Christmas:

7. "Que Sera, Sera" (Doris Day, 1956)

What will happen in the future? Will I get married? Will I have kids? Or will I endure years of misery and pain in a cold, lonely world? Rather a heterosexist question, especially for gay icon Doris Day, who was best buddies with her sex-comedy costar Rock Hudson. The answer is:

Que sera, sera -- what will be, will be.

More after the break.

8. "Give Me a Reason" (Dave Mason, 1975)

Dave Mason is often rumored to be gay, but he has no connection to any gay community institutions. Instead, he offers this nihilist father-son chat:

Give me a reason for laughing, give me a reason to cry.
Give me a reason for living, Daddy, won't you give me a reason why?

Sorry, can't think of one.

Who is God, and what's on His mind?
"That's a good question" I reply.

That is a good question.

More after the break.

9. "Suicide is Painless" (M*A*S*H, 1970. Originally by Johnny Mandel and Mike Altman).

The movie was about a soldier in the Korean War who thought he was gay because he couldn't perform properly with ladies. He therefore intended to commit suicide, until his buddies convinced him that he was straight after all.

A song suggesting that gay people commit suicide? Great.

10. "Don't You (Forget About Me)" (The Breakfast Club, 1985. Originally by Simple Minds.)

Gay people weren't forgotten in this movie about high schoolers bonding through an all-day detention. It begins with a shocking reminder of how vicious homophobia got in the 1980s -- nearly as bad as Family Guy today.

11. "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da" (Life Goes On, 1989. Originally from the Beatles).

I hated the tv series, and I hate the song, about an impoverished heterosexual couple making ends meet and saying "Ob-la-di, ob-la-da" to each other. I guess that's Jamaican for "Que sera, sera."

12. "Fireflies"(Owl City, 2009)

I'd get a thousand hugs from ten thousand lightning bugs
As they tried to teach me how to dance a foxtrot above my head.

Not particularly heterosexist, but come on -- if a bunch of bugs flew into my room, I'd be running for the fly swatter, not asking them for dance lessons and hugs. And the Owl guy isn't even particularly cute.

See also: 10 Gay Movies I Hated; and The 39 Dumbest Things on TV.

I'm being forced to watch a sci-fi series about FBI agents investigating the paranormal. No, not the The X-Files, Fringe (2008-2013). The difference is: Mulder and Scully...um, I mean Peter (Joshua Jackson) and Olivia (Anna Torv)...are assisted by an eccentric scientist/mental patient (John Noble), and the frame story is about parallel worlds, not aliens.

It was produced by J.J. Abrams, who helped eliminate almost all gay people from Lost, so you have to expect even more heterosexism than usual in sci fi series. And, indeed, people are always blathering on about "my husband!" or "my wife!", mourning lost heterosexual loves, and assuming universal heterosexual identity. When Fringe first aired in 2008, I refused to watch because the pilot hit you over the head with "we're all heterosexual! we're all heterosexual!" in the very first scene.

But I have noticed something interesting. In every episode, at least one of the guest stars is buffed. Body by Michelangelo, Like, built.

A simple whisk through the cast list to take my mind off the "everybody on Earth is heterosexual!" chants reveals an incredible profusion of biceps and bulges.

1, "A New Day in the Old Town": Olivia has an auto accident and disappears for 40 minutes into a parallel world. Luke Goss of Hellboy as "regular guy" Lloyd Parr.

2. "Momentum Deferred": Shapeshifters from the parallel world appear to steal cryogenically-frozen heads while talking about their wives. Sebastian Roche (left) as Thomas Jerome Newton, aka Omega Man, a buffed villain from the Other Side.

3. "Dream Logic": People start acting out their dreams and killing each other. Including men with wives! A guest FBI agent is played by former soap hunk Travis Schuldt (left).

4. "Snakehead": Drug dealers are smuggling parasitic organisms into the U.S., using the bodies of Asian men (and their wives and children) as hosts. They need to show the parasitic organism moving around inside the bodies, so lots of hunky Asian men take their shirts off, notably former model Jack Yang.

5. "Unearthed": Dead people comes back to life speaking Russian, which their husbands and wives insist they never knew. One of the dead people is Will Turlough, played by bodybuilder and soap star Mark Dobies (top photo).

6. "Johari Window." See, there's a town full of deformed people who look normal most of the time, and don't like outsiders. Including a heterosexual nuclear family, with the dad/husband played by bulgeworthy Canadian hunk Martin Cummins (left).

7. "What Lies Below": A 13,000 year old virus that wiped out all of the Pleistocene mammals resurfaces in an office building. One of the quarantined office drones desperately calling his wife is played by Al Miro (left)

8. "Jacksonville": A building from the parallel world appears here, merging the bodies of two guys. The one desperately calling for his wife is played by the extremely cute Ryan McDonald.

9. "Olivia in the Lab with the Revolver." An illness from the parallel world shows up here, with muscular actor Jamie Switch as one of the victims.

10. "The Bishop Revival." The villain is killing people with certain genetic characteristics, like the descendants of a Holocaust survivor at a Jewish wedding chock-full of 20-ish hunks, notably Aaron Brooks as Josh Staller.

11. "White Tulip": A scientist tries to go back in time to reunite with his dead fiance. Jackson Berlin of Man of Steel plays Agent #2 (left).

12. "The Man from the Other Side." The shapeshifters from the Other Side are trying to get to our world, with bodybuilder Fraser Aitcheson as Cop #1.

And that's just Season 2.

I can imagine the conversation in Casting: "Ok, your character is a businessman who explodes on the subway after yelling for his wife. So take off your clothes...."

See: Prime-time Dramas Think You Don't Exist.

In 1967, 16-year old Arthur Wild (left) originated the role of Oliver! on London's West End, with future pop superstar Phil Collins as the Artful Dodger. His 15-year old brother, Jack (right), played one of the street urchin pick-pockets. (Arthur looked much older, but they were exactly one year apart.)

The next year, Jack landed the role of the Artful Dodger in the film version of Oliver!, with the naive waif played by Mark Lester.

In 1969-70 Jack Wild achieved teen-dream status for the heavily gay-coded Pufnstuf on Saturday morning tv.

Arthur auditioned for The Bugaloos(1970), but didn't make the cut. Instead he had several starring roles on British tv, including Z Cars, Scene, and The Root of All Evil. In 1970, he released two teen idol records: "Boulevard St. Michelle" and "Lady of the Blue Lagoon."

Jack, who sang every week on Pufnstuf, released several singles, plus three albums of his own: Jack Wild, Everything's Coming Up Roses, and A Beautiful World.

Arthur retired from acting in the early 1970s.

Jack starred in several well-received movies, including Melody (1971), as the best friend of a boy (Mark Lester) who wants to get married at age 12; and Keeping it Downstairs (1976), as Peregrine Cockshute, who invents the first condom. The teen idol lifestyle took its toll, however, and his screen appearances became sporadic as he fell prey to alcoholism, diabetes, and finally cancer.

The brothers remained close throughout their lives.

Arthur never married; Jack married twice.

Both died young: Arthur on September 28, 2000, and Jack on March 1, 2006.

See also: H.R. Pufnstuf.

In 1982, the conservative retrenchment had not quite set in yet, and pretending to be gay still marked you as cool. So the Culture Club did.

Only lead singer Boy George was actually gay, and drummer Jon Moss (left) was bisexual. The other band members, Mikey Craig (below) and Roy Hay, were heterosexual. But all of them had fun inviting speculation, giving coy answers to inquiries, and recording songs that dropped the "girl! girl! girl!" refrains in favor of hints and signals.

Some they coded sexual identity as a choice. You could decide to be straight today and gay tomorrow, why not?

"Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?" (1982)
In my heart, the fire's burning
Choose my color, find a star.

Sometimes "gay" and "straight" were just labels, unable to capture the fluidity of desire.

"Karma Chameleon" (1983)
I'm a man without conviction,
I'm a man who doesn't know how to sell a contradiction.

But only gender-conforming heterosexuals were welcome in the the era of Ronald Reagan and Rambo and Real Men Don't Eat Quiche:

"The War Song" (1984)
Now we're fighting in our hearts, fighting in the streets
Won't somebody help me
Man is far behind in the search for something new
Like a Philistine, we're burning witches too.

So the Culture Club started yelling that they had been heterosexual all along. Loudly.

"God, Thank You Woman" (1986)
Woman, thank you, thank you.
God, thank you, woman.
Woman, you're so sweet, I would give my heart to you.
There's nothing I wouldn't do.

Then they went away.

Boy George waited until 1995, when the conservative retrenchment was over, to reveal that he was, in fact, gay.

See also: Subtext Songs of the 1980s; The Village People

My Fair Lady (1956) is one of my all-time favorite musicals, but there is no beefcake, so I'll illustrate it with some nude shots of actors who have played Henry Higgins in their other roles..

It's about an elderly gay couple in London at the turn of the twentieth century, Henry Higgins and Colonel Pickering,

Henry (Jack Gwillam), an instructor of elocution, claims that language is the key to social status; he bets Pickering that he can take anyone of the lower class, give them elocution lessons, and pass them off as nobility.

Ok, why not try Cockney flower girl Eliza Doolittle?

Henry (Reg Livermore) doesn't have much use for women, even as friends. He is definitely a man's man.

Henry: Would you be slighted if I didn't speak for hours?
Pickering: Of course not!
Henry: Would you be livid if I had a drink or two?
Pickering: Nonsense.
Henry: Would you be wounded if I never sent you flowers?
Pickering: Never.
Henry: Well, why can't a woman be like you?

But he agrees. Eliza moves into their house, and the lessons begin.

Everyone suspects that Eliza and Henry (Ian Richardson) have an amorous relationship. Henry's mother, who has suspected him of being gay for years, is delighted.

Eliza soon becomes indispensable in the household, keeping track of Higgins' appointments and performing other secretarial tasks. She gets a little crush on Higgins. Though he doesn't share her romantic inclinations, he begins to think of her as a friend and confidant. He expects that, when the contest is over, she will stay on.

I've grown accustomed to her face
She almost makes the day begin
I've grown accustomed to the tune
She whistles night and noon

Meanwhile Eliza is courted by the foppish, gay-vague Freddy Eysnford-Hill.

Eliza wows London society at the contest, and is proclaimed "of noble birth." Everyone congratulates Henry (Rex Harrison), not Eliza, who believes that she was being used an experiment, and leaves in a huff. But she is convinced to return. Henry, never one for apologies, or hugs, says "Eliza, where the devil are my slippers?" Curtain down. The end.

That's right -- no fade out kiss. There are hints that the two might become lovers, but they remain only hints, a heterosexual subtext in what is a rarity in musical theater, a plot about male-female friendship.

The 1964 movie adds a little more heterosexual subtext, but the original play, Pygmalion, by George Bernard Shaw, has substantially less.

Of course, heterosexual critics and audiences try their best to force the text into the trajectory of a heterosexual romance. Sometimes they don't even notice that Henry and Pickering are a gay couple.

See also: Sherlock Holmes, Gay Icon and The Gay Connection in The Sound of Music.

The Dukes of Hazzard (1979-1985) wasn't really a hillbilly show, though the "backwood Adonis" theme can be traced back through Jethro Bodine to L'il Abner. It was set in the country (Hazzard, Georgia), not the hills, and the premise was derived on the 1970s trucker fad. The Duke cousins, the blond Bo (John Schneider) and the brunette Luke (Tom Wopat), drove a 1969 Dodge Charger instead of a truck, but they still zoomed through rustic locales with a country-fried sheriff, Boss Hogg (Sorrell Booke), in hot pursuit.

The boys lived with their cousin Daisy (Catherine Bach) and their elderly Uncle Jesse (Denver Pyle), who narrated the stories ("Well, the Duke boys were in trouble again....") and provided sage advice.

It was obvious early on that the actors were hired for their beefcake appeal. Although their shirts were off constantly and they had nice muscles, the main draw was below the belt. Look closely -- well, you don't really need to look closely. It's out there for everyone to see. John Schneider wore jeans so tight that they had to be peeled off at the end of a shoot. (Just in case you liked girls, they also put Daisy into revealing short-shorts that came to be called Daisy Dukes).

But the beefcake (and Daisy's cheesecake) didn't mean that the show was obsessed with heterosexual hookups. In fact, dating and romance was not high on anyone's list of activities. Daisy falls in love a few times, but Bo and Duke, never. They save an orphanage, enter their car in a race, catch bank robbers, pursue card sharks, sing, and run up against the corrupt Boss Hogg.

And the bonding was intense! Ok, they were "cousins," but they were inseparable, devoted to each other, with eyes for no one else. They behaved, and the residents of Hazzard treated them, precisely like long-time partners.

When they left the series briefly in 1982, Byron Cherry and Chip Meyer came in as cousins Coy and Vance.

Both John Schneider and Tom Wopat have had successful post-Duke careers, and they are both gay allies. I met Tom Wopat in 1999. In 2008, John Schneider performed at the L.A. AIDS Walk, and spoke about three friends who died of AIDS, including his "best friend in all the world" during his years on The Dukes.

Ryan Ochoa became a Disney kid after The Perfect Game (2009), about a down-and-out Mexican Little League team. He became friends with Jake T. Austin and Moises Arias, and parlayed his way onto the Disney and Nickelodeon teencoms Zeke and Luther, ICarly (2008-2010), A Pair of Kings (2010-2012), and Mr. Young (2012-2013), usually playing bratty nemeses.

But the 17-year old has developed a respectable physique, getting him a place on my list of 12 Unexpected Disney Channel Teen Hunks.

He's also busy in a boy band with his brothers: the Ochoa Boyz, aka Boyz You Like (not the Ochoa Brothers, which is the name of a Colombian drug cartel).

The Ochoa Boyz consist of::

1. Ryan, born in 1996.
2. Robert (left), born in 1998, also a Disney kid, appearing on Hannah Montana, Pair of Kings, and Wendell and Vinnie.

3. Raymond, born in 2001, a big child star, with appearances on 10 Items or Less, A Christmas Carol, House under Siege, Hank, Special Agent Oso, Ice Age, and Monster University.

4. Rick, the oldest. I don't know how old, but he's in college.

Here they ask fans to guess who belongs to the abs. Give up?
It's Ryan.

Their lyrics are mixed. Some heterosexist:

Strutting her stuff, she looks fine, dudes try to look tough

Some not:
Let's go outside, run through the streets, and enjoy the night.
Jump on the cars, go ahead and reach for the stars
This isn't a dream, join the team, feel free to scream

I don't know if any of them are gay -- no gay content on their tweets or instagrams -- but I'd guess Ryan, because he has such an androgynous look -- he's a little heavy-handed with applying the makeup -- and because he's been linked with several gay-positive alpha boyz, including Jake T. Austin, Gig Morton, and Dylan Sprayberry (left).

I have mixed feelings about Annie Get Your Gun, the 1946 musical that was made into a half dozen movies, revived a dozen times, and remains a favorite of high school and college drama clubs. Maybe because I got confused, thinking it was about a guy with his arms and legs blown off (that's Johnny Got His Gun).

It's actually about real-life sharpshooter Annie Oakley (1860-1926), who joins Buffalo Bill's traveling Wild West Show in the 1880s and competes with the star, Frank Butler.

There's something to be said for a big, tough, rastlin' backwoods gal who can shoot guns, but why make her so all-fired eager to give it all up for a man?

I'm quick on the trigger with targets not much bigger than a pin point, I'm number one.
But my score with a feller is lower than a cellar- Oh you can't get a man with a gun.

Wait -- I know the answer. Heteronormativity.

But she goes even farther, proclaiming it as universal human experience, "doin' what comes naturally":

My tiny baby brother, who's never read a book, knows one sex from the other --
All he had to do was look!

And the object of her affection is rather a cad, leaving a chain of seductions wherever he goes:

There's a girl in Tennessee who's sorry she met up with me
I can't go back to Tennessee -- I'm a bad, bad man!

The kicker: Annie is a better shot than Frank, but in the big match, she deliberately loses, so he will like her. What kind of message is that for young heterosexual girls? Squash your talents in order to get a man!

But some the songs are catchy, especially the show-stopping "There's No Business Like Show Business," which became the unofficial anthem of Hollywood.

There is a small gay subtext in the relationship between Buffalo Bill and his manager, Charlie Davenport.

And some beefcake: Annie is mentored by Indian performer Sitting Bull, who adopts her into his tribe. Costumer designers often decide that the Indians should display their physiques.

Besides, Annie has been played by some of the biggest gay icons of the stage, including Betty Hutton, Ethel Merman, Judy Garland (actually fired from the 1950 film), Bernadette Peters, and Doris Day.

Notable Franks have included Bruce Yarnell, John Raitt, Harve Presnell, Tom Wopat, and Patrick Cassidy,

See also: The Sound of Music; The Pajama Game.

Like the kilt, lederhosen has gotten mired down in cliches and stereotypes, blond people yodeling and saying "Yah" to each other, like that crazy Aryan kid who sells "Toaster strudel."

But lederhosen simply means leather pants in German. It was worn throughout the Alps, and especially in Bavaria, for hunting, farming, and other outdhoor activities.

Its popularity declined during the 19th century, when it was considered uncouth, "hayseed" clothing, like the hillbilly's overalls in America. Today it is worn primarily at festivals like Oktoberfest.

There are many variations, but all lederhosen have suspenders and a side holster that shows off the pecs (shirts are optional).

The front flap, called a hosenturl, was designed to make it easy to take your penis out and urinate. But the consequence of making you look especially gifted beneath the belt has not gone unnoticed.

Especially with modern men, who add special lining down there to enhance their size.

And add a lot of ornate embroidery to draw the eye to their crotch.

Some men like lederhosen so much that they are starting to use it for everyday wear.

Gay men especially. Many of them already have leather outfits, so why not get custom-made black lederhosen?

See also: 10 Things You Should Know About Kilts.

Many people in the northern states of the U.S. are afraid of the South, that vast territory that extends from Washington DC, 1200 miles to Miami Beach, and west 1000 miles to Kansas City. It's full of screaming homophobes, racists, Confederate wannabes, guys wearing overalls and feed store caps who drive pick-up trucks down dusty roads yelling "Git 'er done!"

It has all of that, but it also has top research universities, a world renowned opera company, three gay meccas (Atlanta, Fort Lauderdale, Miami), some gay-friendly resorts, the best Chinese food I've ever had, and lots of beefcake.

It's hot, so guys take their shirts off a lot.

Here are the top 10 public penises of the South:

1. The capital of Missouri isn't Kansas City or St. Louis, but Jefferson City, population 40,000. Its manageable size makes sightseeing easier. Look for this beautiful neoclassical Mercury outside the State Capitol.

2. This African-American boy is too young to be proper beefcake, but he's certainly an unexpected find, sitting shirtless at the George Washington Carver National Monument in Diamond, Missouri, near Joplin.

3. I've been to Kentucky several times to visit my mother's kinfolk, but I didn't know that there was a 30-foot tall fiberglass replica of Michelangelo's David, penis and all, in downtown Louisville (on the corner of Main and 7th). Of course, it has some residents in an uproar, yelling "Think of the children!"

4. Speaking of uproars, right in the heart of downtown Nashville, Tennessee, on Music Row (Division and 16th Avenue North), traffic stops as drivers gawk at Musica, a group of nine 10-foot tall naked men and women holding the Goddess of Music aloft. They're not usually carrying guitars.

It wasn't there when I spent a semester in Nashville; it was unveiled in 2003, the controversial work of sculptor Alan LeQuire.

5. The War Memorial Auditorium, across from the State Capitol, features this hunky slab of marble holding a sword and a goddess, his penis coyly covered.

6. Memphis, Tennessee is named after the ancient Egyptian city, so there's a 25-foot fiberglass replica of the famous statue of Ramses II on the campus of the University of Memphis (on Central Avenue).

More after the break

I stopped in Oxford, Mississippi in 1984, on my way to Hell-fer-Sartain State University. No good public art, but a lot of cruising.

7. Birmingham is an island of (relative) sophistication in the heart of red-state Alabama. It has an opera company, a nice used bookstore, and a very good Chinese restaurant, Mr. Chen's. Also this 56-foot tall statue of Vulcan, the smith of the gods, to symbolize the city's iron-mine origins (in the Vulcan Park, on Red Mountain). He's got a semi-bare chest and a bare butt.

8. If you have any particular reason to go to Lafayette, Alabama, about 20 miles from Auburn, look for this life-sized statue of boxer Joe Louis outside the Chambers County Museum.

9. The Seafarer Memorial in Mobile, Alabama

10.New Orleans, Louisiana really deserves a separate entry, but just to whet your appetite, check out these naked men in the City Park

I only made it as far as New Orleans. The whole Southeast, is left, from Virginia to Georgia to the Carolinas to Florida.

See also: Dating a country-western star; and Ten More Public Penises of the South

Spain is my favorite country in Europe. Interesting cultural and archaeological sites, multiple languages, vibrant gay culture, and the cutest men this side of Estonia. And an extraordinary amount of beefcake art.

Here are the top 10 public penises of Spain:

1. Barcelona, on the east coast, was the capital of a separate country for many years. They speak Catalan, and aren't shy about reprimanding you for trying to speak Spanish. It's got the best bath house in Spain, the Picasso Museum, the Gaudi Church of La Sagrada Familia, las Ramblas... and this naked conqueror in the Comandancia.

2. Not to mention a nude Adam in Parque de Cervantes.

3. Zaragosa, about 80 minutes by train, is an ancient city on the Ebro River, the capital of Aragon. Not a lot of gay venues, but many historic churches, and the Palacio de la Aljaferia. And the ultra modern Atleta Moderno, "The Modern Athlete," in the museum devoted to the works of sculptor Paul Gargallo.

4. The Monumento a Jinete is almost identical, except the rider has a classical Greek look, and he's nearly naked.

5. Madrid, the capital, is about 90 minutes from Zaragosa by train. I find it a rather confusing city, hard to negotiate, but you can't miss the Prado, the Museo Arquelogico Nacional, the Palacio Real..

And the 20 gay bath houses!

If you have any time leftover, go to the Parque del Buen Retiro, one of the largest city parks in the world (formerly the private park of the royal family). With this gigantic monument to King Alfonso XII.

6. Also in the Buen Retiro, an extremely muscular Fallen Angel atop the Fuente del Angel Caido (The Fountain of the Fallen Angel).

7. A lot of things fall from the sky in Madrid. Here is a nude Icarus landing on his head, the work of Miguel Angel Ruiz.

More after the break.

8. This massive granite muscleman, hand covering penis, sits outside an ultra-modern skyscraper called the Torre Espacio.

Cordoba, about two hours from Madrid by train, is the heart of Andalucia, the home of gay poet Federico Garcia Lorca. No beefcake art, but visit the Alhambra, the famous Moorish palace.

9. The best way to get to Archidona is by car (an hour from Cordoba). It's a beautiful old town in the mountains, with this explicitly bulging statue. It's a monument to the Jornalero, or Day Laborer.

10. Cadiz, on the western coast, is about 2 hours by car from Archidona, with an excellent archaeological museum, the Plaza de las Flores, and this massive Hercules.

11. Huelva, about two hours up the coast from Cadiz, has some interesting old houses, a monument to Christopher Columbus, and a passion for futbol (soccer).

At the entrance to the city, a statue of a naked Apollo is kicking a soccer ball, the work of German Alberto Franco.

A spotlight illuminates his penis at night.

12. There's another Hercules in Seville, about an hour by Huelva by car. This one is fully naked. But Seville is also noteworthy for its massive cathedral, the Museo de Bellas Artes, and the Nordik Sauna Masculina, which specializes in bears.

See also: Yuri and I Search for the World's Biggest Penis.

Spring 2009: The Pitcher with a Secret Move

Fall 2007: Erotic Daydreams in Class

Brian Kerwin: Not Just a Deputy

Rod and Al Stewart: Coming Out in the Year of the Cat

Spring 2009: The Stonewall Veteran and the Bodybuilder in the Park

The Eagles: Gay Symbolism in "Hotel California"

Toka, Jungle King: A Tarzan Clone Who Doesn't Like Girls

Takanakuy: The Beefcake Festival of the Andes

Nickelodeon's Gay Programming Blocks

The 12 Most Homphobic, Heterosexist, and Horrible Songs

The Top 12 Beefcake Stars of "Fringe"

Jack and Arthur Wild: Psychedelic Brothers

Culture Club: From Hinting that You're Gay to Yelling That You're Straight

My Fair Lady: A Gay Couple in Edwardian England

The Dukes of Hazzard

Ryan Ochoa and the Gay Boyz You Like

Annie Get Your Gun: Beefcake and a Gay Couple

Every Gay Man Should Have a Pair of Lederhosen

Top 10 Public Penises of the South

Top 12 Public Penises of Spain, Part 1