Getting Spanked at the Oscars

Nude Yul Brynner

I had a friend in West Hollywood, Larry, who did some acting in the 1970s and early 1980s, and now worked in the casting department at Paramount.  He had a very nice house in the heart of Old Hollywood, walking distance to Mann's Chinese Theater, and every year he held an Oscar party for 20 or 30 gay men.

We had to mark little ballots about who we thought would win Best Picture, Best Actor, Best Costume, and so on, and the one who got the most categories right won a prize-- a nude photo of Yul Brynner (star of The King and I), an anatomically correct Oscar statue, or a camp music album like The Odd Couple Sings.

If you got too many categories wrong, you got a spanking, bare butt, one slap on one cheek, by each of the other guests in turn.

The problem is, except for blockbuster science fiction, I saw only movies with gay characters, a promise of gay subtexts, or significant beefcake, so my knowledge was limited.  Check the best picture nominees that I had actually seen at the time of the Oscars.  And my spankings.

Larry's House

1985: Only Kiss of the Spider Woman.  Winner: Out of Africa.  Spanking.

1986: I went to the Oscar party with my celebrity boyfriend instead.

1987: None of the nominees. Winner: The Last Emperor. Spanking

1988: I was in Turkey.

1989: None of the nominees. Winner: Driving Miss Daisy. Spanking.

1990: Ghost (which I thought would be paranormal) and Goodfellas. Winner: Dances with Wolves. Spanking.

1991: Bugsy and JFK. Winner: Silence of the Lambs.

1992: Howard's End and The Crying Game. Winner: Unforgiven.

1993: I went to another party.

1994: I was in San Francisco.

1995: None. Winner: Braveheart. Spanking.

1996: Fargo.  Winner: The English Patient. Spanking

1997 and 1998: I was in New York.

1999: None  Winner: Shakespeare in Love. 

2000: I had actually seen the Best Picture Winner, American Beauty, plus nominees The Sixth Sense and The Cider House Rules.

2001, 2002, and 2003: I was in Florida.

2004: Finding Neverland. Winner: Million Dollar Baby.

6 spankings in 11 Oscar parties!  Over half!

It wasn't all bad.  Some of the guys turned the spanking into a grope, and by the end of the evening I usually had a few telephone numbers.

But still, either I have to start watching more heterosexual dramas, or Hollywood has to start nominating more movies with gay content.

You can see the uncensored version of this post on Tales of West Hollywood.