I've got a free hour, and maybe he's gay, so why not?
It's one of those pieces advertised as a tv program, but there's only one episode, an hour and six minutes long.
First scene: Bixler High is not his name. He's Xander DeWitt, played by Jace Norma, unrecognizable from his role as the uber-swishy gay-coded superhero sidekick on Nickelodeon's Henry Danger (2014-).
So far, so good.
Here Xander tries to grift a very attractive car salesman (Eddie Aguirre) out of information that may lead to his missing father's whereabouts. He almost gets away, but in the end the police escort him home.
I'm not liking Xander. He's got one of those smarmy, smug, borderline-sociopathic personalities that make you want to take him down a few notches.
However: his well-stocked room contains no photos of girls. A good sign!
Xander discovers that Dad (Rick Peters) was visiting his hometown, Bixler Valley, on the morning of his disappearance.
Coincidentally, Mom is concerned about his slipping grades and frequent truancy, and suggests a change: how about going to live with Grandpa in Bixler Valley?
So Xander heads out.
Bixler Valley is a ridiculously depressed old mining town in the mountains, and Grandpa (Ed Begley Jr.) a ridiculously curmudgeonly geezer ("How can I tell kids to get off my lawn when one is living here?). He also happens to be a retired private eye.
Here's an idea: Have Grandpa investigate his son's disappearance.
Xander tries to hug Grandpa, but the geezer pushes him away. Men don't hug! How about a handshake?
Xander is obviously gay.
All he has to do is enroll at Bixler High and find a boyfriend.
Or a male friend.
Or a group of friends, some male....
Or...
Uh-oh
He teams up with school reporter Kenzie (Ariel Martin).
Time to fast-forward, looking for beefcake and incidental buddy bonding.
Lots of hunky actors, like Eddie M. Myrick (standing behind his boyfriend) as a cop. But no one even fumbles with a button.
And there appear to be no boys at Bixler High, just female cheerleaders with pom poms. Xander never even talks to a boy his own age.
Final scene:
Grandpa: When are you two going to kiss?
Xander: Grandpa! We're partners (apparently they have opened a private eye business). Partners don't kiss.
My final hope: Xander means it. He's not into girls. Kenzie is a friend and business partner. They won't....
They lean in for the kiss. Fade out.
Ugh! Another gay tease!