When American filmmakers want to set their horror movies in someplace remote and scary, they choose Appalachia. Apparently the British choose Sweden. First I saw Midsommer (2019), where some unsuspecting college students stumbled upon an ancient human-sacrifice cult in rural Sweden. Now, in The Ritual (2017), four unsuspecting middle-aged men stumble upon an ancient human sacrifice cult in rual Sweden.
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The men are:
1. Luke, played by Rafe Spall, who gave us a frontal nude scene in The Lady Chatterley Affair. Have you ever noticed that ugly guys tend to be gifted beneath the belt?
2. Phil, played by Arsher Ali, who gave us a nude scene in Beaver Falls. I'm not sure if this is him; there were a lot of nude guys, and none of them really looked like Phil.
3. Hutch (Robert James-Collier). James-Collier agreed to play a gay character in Downton Abbey because he needed a job, without realizing how horrible it would be -- people thought he was actually gay in real life! Plus it ruined his career. He's relegated to roles in trash like...um...The Ritual.
4. Sam Troughton, who has played gay characters several times, as Dom.
The difference from Midsommer?
1. Instead of midsummer, it's a bleak, cold autumn with washed -out colors. Why would anyone want to go hiking in such an environment? I kept thinking "I could be watching Roman Holiday, with Gregory Peck on a moped in the hills of Tuscany. Why am I watching this?"
2. Instead of college students overbrimming with hope and optimism, it's four depressed middle-aged men, beaten down by life, trying to recapture their lost joie de vivre.
3. Everyone is singularly unattractive, even the cultists. And there's nudity to speak of. Even when they strip down to be sacrificed, they're in flannel underwear.
4. It's all men, with the women in their lives barely mentioned or not mentioned at all. That sounds like a good thing, but one gets the uncomfortable feeling that the hugging and "We can get out of this together!" are acts of desperation rather than affection. No gay subtexts to speak of.
5. There's nothing sexy about the movie. Some of the men die before they reach the cultists; one is beaten to a bloody pulp, then sacrificed to a monster that looks like a giant elk with antler hands.
Spoiler alert: one survives.
I disliked this movie in spite of the buddy bonding, or perhaps because of it. It's 2017; why not just make one of the guys gay?
Spoiler alert: one survives.
I disliked this movie in spite of the buddy bonding, or perhaps because of it. It's 2017; why not just make one of the guys gay?