The Top 10 Hunks of "The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina," Season 2

I'm not liking the second season of The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, about the adventures of half-witch Sabrina as she straddles the witch and mortal worlds.  The coherent plotline about Sabrina resisting her initiation into the Church of Night has been muddled, the previously strict separation of the two worlds transgressed over and over again. Episodes are mostly about "look what weird rituals the witches have," equivalents of mortal Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, and Valentine's Day. 

Plus it somehow turned heterosexist.  Cousin Ambrose (Chance Perdomo) is "pansexual," but he dropped his boyfriend for a girl, making him for all intents and purposes straight.  The witch rituals involving only heterosexual pairings.  The school dance at Baxter High shows only male-female couples.   There's a transman, Theo (formerly Susie),but he doesn't date anyone.

And the cast list is so woman-oriented  that it's hard to find any beefcake.  You have to skulk around the margins to find anyone other than the guys introduced last season (Cousin Ambrose, his ex-boyfriend Luke, Sabrina's boyfriends Harvey and Nick).

The Academy of Unseen Arts


1. Tyler Cotton as Melvin, a meek, shy warlock who loses his virginity during Lupercania, the Satanic Valentine's Day.  I don't buy it.  Witches are so into the "sins of the flesh" that he'd never make  it through a week at the Academy without being cherry-picked.  Of course, we're also led to believe that Aunt Hilda, who is over 100 years old, has never been cherry-picked either.









2. Adam DiMarco as Dario, a member of the Judas Society, anti-witch faction of the  Church of Night.  Apparently there's a lot of sexism among witches:  The High Priest must be a man; the Top Boy must be a boy; Dorian's Gray Room, the warlock hangout, is off limits to women.









3. Jeddidiah Goodacre as Dorian Gray himself, the guy with the painting in the attic, who runs the warlock-only nightclub.   After the first mention, however, the sexism is quietly dropped, and Dorian's Gray Room becomes a standard hangout, like Pop's Choklit Shop in Riverdale.




4.Liam Hall (left) as Marcus Pierce, a warlock killed by witch hunters.

5. Luke Cook (top photo) as Lucifer himself.  When he actually appears as El Diablo, he wears tons of prosethics, growls and grunts,and speaks in a ridiculous British-villain accent.

















The Witch Hunters


6. Spencer Treat Clarke as Jerathmiel. There's a mouthful.  You know that those Hebrew names mean something, right?  -El endings are "of God."  He belongs tothe Order of the Innocents, a witch-hunting club.

Why are there witch hunters? Couldn't the witches just turn them into frogs or something?

7. Graeme McComb as Gideon, another witch hunter.  He doesn't really push my buttons,but after watching Sabrina, Prudence, Dorcas, Agatha, Miss Wardwell, Hilda, and Zelda getting it on, I'll take whatever I can get.










Baxter High

8. Remember Miss Wardwell, the "lonely old spinster" whom Madame Satan has been possessing?  Turns out she wasn't so lonely after all; her boyfriend was just overseas doing charity work. Adam (Alexis Denisoff) returns, and Miss Wardwell/Madam Satan is horrified at the thought of hooking up with such a goody-goody, until she discovers that he gives foot rubs and cooks.








9. This is actually cheating, since the character of Billy (Ty Wood), appeared in Season 1 as a bully who harasses Susie for her gender-transgressive traits, and gets his comeuppance when a spell makes him kiss a guy (how humiliating! For all its inclusivity,this show has a homophobic edge). When Susie transitions into Theo, Billy is all smiles and apologies. Apparently he just doesn't like girls.







10. Peter Bundic as Carl Tapper, his sidekick, who according to Aunt Hilda is "in lust with him." Nothing comes of it, though.  What could -- they're both guys.

See also: The Top 10 Hunks of "The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina."