Tracking Down My High School Crush..

This is a photo from a February 2018 tweet about a high school swim team in the Quad Cities.

I'm interested in the one on the left, who has a very distinctive name, so I'll call him Bill to maintain his privacy. 

1. So extremely ugly that he resets the ugliness meter and becomes cute. Funny how that happens.

2. But respectable beneath the belt gifts.




3. Most importantly, he has the same last name as a boy I met during my sophomore year in high school -- "Scott F." a freshman at St. Ambrose College, four years older than me, a thin, bushy-haired 19-year old with an enormous penis (I surmised from his bulge).

His girlfriend couldn't be with him because he was an atheist, so  I offered to try out my Nazarene soulwinning expertise.  I didn't manage to win him for Christ, but he became a frequent subject of romantic fantasies.



Could Bill be related to my long-ago crush?

1.  First I checked Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. No Bill F.___.

2.  Google: all I could find were newspaper articles about Bill's swimming career, plus one where he won an egg hurling contest at age 13.

 
3. Time to search on Facebook for other people in the Quad Cities with that last name.  There are about 15! I imagine they all belong to the same extended family, but which are Bill's parents?

Finally I found Aric who graduated from Moline High and is now studying electrical engineering in college.

Who has Bill as a friend!  Here are the two of them together, before Bill F___ went blond and pushed the ugliness barrier.

I overlooked Bill F____  before because his profile pic is a Led Zeppelin album and there's no information, other pictures, or friends listed.

4. But Aric  has a lot of Facebook friends with F___ last names.  I rummaged through them until I found the profile of Anne, with photos of Bill and Aric (and another boy) as children -- their mother!

5. Then their father is Todd,  who graduated from Rockford High School and now lives in the Quad Cities, where he works as a golf pro.

6. Todd is friends with nearly everyone with the F____ last name:

Aiden
Curtis
Lester
Ty

For obvious reasons, I checked the women last:
Leticia
Susan (is that Bill with her? Maybe a cousin.)
Tamara



7.  Tori, an elderly woman who worked at Rockford High School for many years.  She has only three photos on Facebook:  one of her house; another of her standing in front of a "Swimming and Diving" logo; and a third of a high school or junior high swimmer!

Looks like Bill from a couple of years ago.

And "My handsome husband, Scott!"

Scott doesn't have a profile on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter.  But he must be the same Scott I knew -- and fantasized about.



Um...so this is what he looks like now.

4 years older than me -- I guess he's 63.

When you don't see someone for a long time, you forget that they get older. I was unconsciously expecting the same thin, bushy-haired twink that I met when I was a 15-year old, not-yet-out Nazarene boy.

See: In Bed with my Girlfriend's Boyfriend