The 10 Worst Cities in Texas

I spent 9 execrable months in Hell-fer-Sartain in 1984-85, and ever since, I judge any day that I don't spend in Texas a good day. But, believe it or not, some cities in the state are worse than others.  Some are weak-in-the-knees, faint from terror purgatories.  Here are the worst of the worst (excluding towns that I've already covered):



10. Port Arthur, population 50,000.  Just south of Beaumont, which smells of oil refineries and mold all the time.  High crime, high unemployment, high humidity.

But at least it has a Thai restaurant and the Shrine of Our Lady of Guadalupe, so you can escape through pad thai and/or mystical communion with the Divine.









9. Robstown, population 11,000, a suburb of Corpus Christi (the coastal town that gets hurricaned all the time).

Named after its founder, Robert Driscoll, who didn't know how to use apostrophes.The birthplace of Texas Hold 'Em Poker, which was invented by people who knew how to use apostrophes.High poverty and unemployment rate.

Its main tourist attraction is this dead theater, which used to be a theatrical gem.

 Robstown Early College High School (you complete high school and your first two years of college at the same time) offers only Spanish.  e only "foreign language" offered is Spanish.  Their team is the Cotton Pickers, which in my day was an offensive slur.



8. Colleyville, population 26,000, in the ritzy suburbs between Dallas and Fort Worth. So it has a very low unemployment rate, a very low poverty rate, and a median household income of $130,000.

Ritzy doesn't always mean nice, though.  Colleyville High gained internet notoriety with its offensive Trump-wall pep rally.

Colleyville Police Department is known for its homophobic slurs and confrontations.

In 2014, a Colleyville House of Representatives candidate sent out a homophobic mailer.

And so on.


7. Jasper, population 7,500, in Deep East Texas near the Louisiana border.  The town motto is "Jewel of the Forest," though it looks kind of swampy.  Median household income $24,000, a quarter of the population under the poverty line.  Yikes!

So why does anyone stick around, instead of high-tailing it to Houston?  Well, not Houston, but somewhere with jobs?

They stick around for the Juntique antique store and the Happy Cajun Club.









And maybe a cute unemployed guy or two hanging about looking for odd jobs.
















6. Abilene, population 117,000. in the desert 150 miles west of Dallas (average August temperature 94 degrees).  Home of the super-fundamentalist Abilene Christian College, a museum to the 12th Armored Division, and the National Center for Children.

When Brandon Woodruff, a student at Abilene Christian College, murdered his parents, the prosecution argued that because he was gay, he was unstable, violent, and deceitful....and so on.










5. Frisco.  They can't even spell San Francisco right?




















4. Stephenville,  site of Tarleton State University, with its traditions of Purple Poo and the Texas Plowboys.    It doesn't have a gay group, but it has an Allies program for the straight people who want to ally with the non-existent gay people.

Stephenville, population 20,000 is the Cowboy Capital of the World.  It's also the home of Milton Brown, the father of Western Swing: a fusion of hillbilly, jazz, and pop that appeared on the radio in the 1930s.

You can buy a book about him and his music, published by the University of Illinois Press.  I won't be buying it.




3. Aransas Pass, population 9,000, on the coast near Corpus Christi. "A small paradise where the fish are always biting."  There's no pass, they spelled Arkansas wrong, and who cares about fish? Or the annual Shimporee?

Or the local news stories:
Aransas man jailed for solicitation of a minor
Man arrested for an Aransas Pass robbery spree
Aransas man in jail for poisoning his wife

I guess a lot of people don't care about the Shimporee.







2. Progreso, population 5000, just north of Progreso
Lakes, and across the border
from Nuevo Progreso. 

 Extreme poverty: median household income $14,000, 50% of the population below poverty level, violent crime rate double the national average.

And the high school team is the fighting Red Ants.  Brightly colored uniforms, though.



1. Houston, of course.  Big, crowded, sprawling, the worst traffic nightmares this side of New York City, and maddeningly impossible to get anything done: nobody, from bank tellers to postal employers to doctor's office receptionists, has the slightest idea how to do their job.  This is the town where the bank gave me checks attached to the wrong account, and where the post office delivered to three different houses, none of them mine.