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Why the Hell Did I Buy "What the Hell did I Just Read"?

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Earlier this week, while I was looking for a book on Scandinavian languages, I came across a loud, blaring ad for What the Hell Did I Just Read?


At first I thought it was a book of literary reviews, but the blurb instead said that it was a "wildly inventive, mind-bending, hilarious horror comedy," Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy meets The Walking Dead.

Well, I like both Hitchhiker's Guide and The Walking Dead, and it was half price on Amazon, so why not?

While it was bouncing over on 2-day Amazon Prime, I discovered that the author was David Wong, whose earlier book inspired the movie John Dies at the End (2012): a horror-sci fi comedy about two buddies, David and John (Chase Williamson, Rob Mayes), who become reluctant heroes in a world of nonsensical paranormal danger.


There's no actual same-sex kissing in the movie,and no actual gay characters, but there is a strong gay subtext.  The Girl turns out to be a ghost, John doesn't die at the end, and the two buddies walk off into the sunset together.
















Both Chase Williamson and Rob Mayes have played gay characters in the past.

Sounds great.  I couldn't wait to read the novel.
















In What the Hell, John, David, and Amy have become sort of X-File Private Eyes, starting their own paranormal investigation agency.  David starts off with some snarky but actually useful advice about paranormal experiences, such as:

To distinguish a supernatural visitor from a hallucination, ask it a question that you don't know the answer to, but can verify later, such as "Who is the current president of Peru?"

Then it went downhill.  It was not  at all funny, David's abrasive tone was annoying, and there were no  zombies (or Scandinavian languages), but ok.

Then it went even further downhill. Their case involved Mister Nymph, a mincing, lisping fruitcake who "acts like a fag" and preys on little girls.

I get it.  All gay men lisp and mince.  All gay men are pedophiles, with a particular interest in little girls, for some reason.

Fiction has been portraying child predators as lisping, mincing fags since Peter Lorre starred in M.

I stop reading at Page 38, and toss the book across the room.  It will go into the garbage tomorrow.

Surprisingly, the writer responsible for this mess is not Seth McFarland of the uber-homophobic Family Guy.

It's Jason Pargill, the head editor of Cracked.  He states that he is "not very liberal" (no kiddng?).  He didn't "come around" on gay rights until he met some gay people in his 20s.  But now he won't publish an article against gay marriage, as he perceives it as an attack on his friends.

But he doesn't mind writing a novel that attacks his friends.








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