Orlando, Florida is a candy-colored, sugar-coated, hetero-infested abomination, a noisy, crowded, paeon to Disneyfied inanity, 2,000,000 people and 66,000,000 hetero tourists with small kids in tow crammed into 113 square miles of wall-to-wall traffic jams, endless lines, and sweltering 100% humidity heat.
12-13 gauche Disney World theme parks with admission prices beginning at $100 apiece, Universal Studios Orlando, Sea World, and an endless number of crazy "attractions" opened to catch the gullible: Madame Tussard's Wax Museum; the Holy Land Experience, the Crayola Experience (I'm not kidding).
I was there with my parents around 1972, and that was plenty. I'm never going within 100 miles of the place. I don't think I could actually get within 100 miles of the place, since the freeways will always be clogged.
But I investigated the beefcake possibilities anyway, to see what I'm missing.
There are three public high schools, Boone, Jones, and Colonial, and the private Lake Highland Prep. There are a lot of proprietary and diploma-mill colleges, but the only real ones I can find is Rollins College. All of them have the standard pictures of buffed guys in swimsuits smiling with their arms around each others.
And wrestling teams in very tight singlets.
Lake Highland Prep goes in for weird camera angles.
More after the break.
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Here's an Orlando-based personal trainer to help you work off all of the extra pounds you put on at the overpriced junk food stands in all of the theme parks.
There's a bodybuilding association with lots of single members looking for dates. I haven't found any that specify that they're gay.
Maybe the gay men of Orlando get enough dates by offering to show exhausted tourists "the real Orlando."
Wherever that is.
