West Hollywood, October 1985The guy at Mugi, the gay Asian bar, was not doing well. He kept getting Attitude.
Maybe because of his cruising technique. At Mugi you never approached guys, you had a friend do it for you.
Maybe because he was not very attractive. In his fifties, with a slim nondescript physique, a sharp weasley face, and no basket, Ok, he could't help his face, but he could join a gym or shove a balled-up sock into his pants. How could you compete otherwise?
He was obviously there to pick up Asian men, but eventually he got around to me, sending a rum-and-coke over (which I didn't touch) and then ambling over himself. Then I recognized him:
In college (1978-1982), when I happened to be home on a Friday night, I watched The Incredible Hulk, the tv adaption of the Marvel comic book series about mild-mannered Bruce Banner (Bill Bixby) who, when angered, turns into a muscular green-skinned troglodyte (Lou Ferrigno). He was dogged by Jack McGee (Jack Colvin), a newspaper reporter obsessed with figuring out his secret.
I was home on Friday night only when I was sick or lonely, so I associated Hulk with sickness, loneliness, general malaise. Maybe not Lou Ferrigno, who was a very muscular bodybuilder, or Bill Bixby, who I knew from my childhood favorites, My Favorite Martian and The Courtship of Eddie's Father. But definitely Jack Colvin, driven, desperate, isolated. And here he was!
"Yeah, you got me. The cat's out of the bag. Jack Colvin." He offered his hand to be shaken.Newly out! I thought. Or he would know that you don't shake hands in a gay bar. You touch the guy's chest or shoulder. I grabbed his hand and pressed it against my chest.
"Nice muscles," he said. "You must work out."
"I work at Muscle and Fitness," I told him. "Weird coincidence -- Lou Ferrigno and Bill Bixby were in the office just a couple of days ago. I thought they looked like a couple. Was everybody on The Incredible Hulk gay?"
"Lou is straight," Colvin said. "But he won't say no to a late-night hookup." He sipped his rum-and-coke. "Bill has boyfriends and girlfriends -- we tricked quite often. We would have dated, but it was impossible -- we were enemies on the show, so we couldn't be seen in public together. Then Christopher got sick, and he and Brenda were having problems, and...."
I didn't know who those people were, so I cut him off with a kiss. He kissed like a straight guy, prodding his tongue into my throat as if it was a phallus, but not groping me or pushing our crotches together.
When I pulled back, Colvin said "Whew! Well, I guess we're going home together."Newbie! You never went home with a guy you just met! "Not tonight, but let's have dinner...say Tuesday night?"
He looked disappointed, but said "Sure. If you think you can hold out that long," and gave me his number, already written down on what we used to call a "trick card."
Colvin wasn't at all my type, but actors have lots of connections, and at the very least we would be "sharing" bodybuilder Lou Ferrigno and my childhood hero Bill Bixby.
The full story, with nude photos and explicit sexual content, is on Tales of West Hollywood.