West Hollywood, August 2017I'm back in California for a week to visit my old friends and old haunts, staying in West Hollywood with Infinite Chazz. We're having dinner at Sammy's Thai restaurant on Santa
Monica with Chazz, Will the Bondage Boy, Lane, and their partners, plus two other guys. Most of us are over 50. Lane and Ben's friend Jerzy is the youngest one there: he just turned 40 a couple of days ago.
Jerzy immigrated from Poland with his parents and baby sister when he was eight years old, went to Cal State Los Angeles and now works in an office down in Lakewood . He's tall and big-boned, with a rugged face and a severe military haircut, his muscular physique going to fat. I haven't seen his penis.
We start talking about the problems of being a twink magnet, being approached by young guys constantly, having every hookup turn into a romantic date, being forced into the role of anal top whether you'd much rather be an oral bottom.
"I call b.s.!" Jerzy exclaims. "Gay culture values youth -- when you turn 40, you're over the hill. Certainly the twinks don't start lining up to get into your bed!"
*"How do you explain my dating a 19-year old college student?" I ask.
"You're a professor, around college students all the time, so what else are you going to meet?"
"I met him at the dentist's office."
"Expectations. You think young guys are going to be interested, so you remember the one exception, and forget about the 99% that don't cruise you back."
"Well...ok, but I've picked up young guys at a restaurant, at the comic book store, at the grocery store, at Lane and Ben's wedding...."
"Well...you live on the Plains, where everybody is El Tubbo. In L.A. the competition is fierce.""I get cruised by twinks all the time, too," Chazz says. "You can't get away from them."
"That doesn't prove anything. You're Infinite Chazz. Everybody is interested in you. Me, nobody is interested in."
"You just haven't tried," I say. "I guarantee that if you went to a twink bar or gym, or LGBT youth center, you'd be getting a phone number a minute."
"Yeah, right," Jerzy says. "And I guarantee that if you went to a twink bar or gym, you'd die of frostbite from all the shade they'd be throwing."
"That sounds like a challenge."
Chazz smiles. "How about this: I'll bet that Jerzy can find a guy under age 25 --- no, under 21 -- in the next 24 hours. At the gym, at the Rage, on Grindr, whatever. All you have to do is get his phone number."
"And if I succeed?"
"I know you're the world's biggest oral bottom. We'll meet at my apartment tomorrow night, and if you can prove that you got the phone number of a guy under 21, you can go down on each of us, one at a time -- and let me tell you, there are some massive penises in this group. And if you fail, you have to top one of us, whichever asks. Ok, guys?"
Lane and Ben bow out, but the other guys agree.
Jerzy grins. "Six penises just for getting a twink's phone number. How can I say no?"
The full story, with nude photos and explicit sexual content, is on Tales of West Hollywood.