I went to a few meetings of Black and White Men Together, but they had a strict rule against cruising -- no asking for the phone numbers of any members. To keep out the fetishists, probably. But if you couldn't meet people, what was the point?
Idid a few meetings of Asian-Pacific Gay Men and Friends, but it was all about fetishists, white guys looking for soft, passive Asian trophy boys.
Alan dragged me to a group for gay dads, but it wasn't "older gay guys and their admirers," it was actual dads, men who had been in sexual relationships with women and thereby become biological fathers, discussing mostly child custody issues (in the 1990s courts usually refused visitation for gay parents, assuming that the child would be in danger of turning gay).
And that was all. Who had time to join anything? I was working three jobs, going to school, and spending two hours per day at the gym.
Besides, I was meeting all the guys I could handle for dating and sex at church, at the gym, and at the bars. For friendship too, of course, but friends were always guys you had dated, and their current partners. There was no such thing as a friend that you hadn't gone down on.
In Florida, I tried Frontrunners, but who wants to drive all the way into Fort Lauderdale to run outside in 90-degree weather? Especially since they're not really naked.
Then I moved to the Straight World. No gay neighborhood. No gay bars. Almost everybody you pass on the street or see at the gym or in church is heterosexual. And when you do meet a gay guy, all of his friends are straight. And he's planning to move out of town next month. Where do you meet gay men?
1. The university's LGBT employee group, which met monthly at various area bars. First meeting: six lesbians, two very stuck up gay men, and me ("You're from California? How can you stand it? It's so superficial and tacky!").
Second meeting: four lesbians, one very stuck up gay man, and me. Third meeting: three lesbians and me. No fourth meeting.
2. The Plains Gay Alliance monthly happy hour, which met monthly at various area bars. First meeting: twelve lesbians, a gay man, his hag bff, and me. I didn't go again.
3. I started my own Plains Gay Men's Social Club, which met monthly at various area restaurants. First meeting: Six gay men and me. Second meeting: Three gay men and me. Third meeting: Me.
"You can't get gay guys in the Plains to come out for a social group," one of them said. "They socialize with their straight friends. They want to meet other gay guys for dating and sex."
And, to be honest, that's why I joined Black and White Men Together, the Asian-Pacific Gay Men and Friends, and Frontrunners -- to met guys for dating and sex. And friendship, of course, but friends were always guys you had dated or hooked up with.So:
4. The biweekly M4M Party. It's open to bi and downlow guys, too, of course, but a lot of gay men attend. Conversation and snacks, then sex.
The full post, with nude photos, is on Tales of West Hollywood.