Plains, April 2014I'm at Whiskey River, a Plains restaurant which doesn't really serve whiskey, with Jimmy, the housemate of my older platonic friends: 21 years old, slim, sandy-haired, with the most perfect uncut Kielbasa I've ever seen.
This is our fifth date: we've somehow become boyfriends.
I've been dating younger guys for years, and there are some strategic problems:
1. I go to bed at 10:00 pm, and they are still up at 2:00 am..
2. They always order the most expensive entree on the menu, plus a drink and dessert, and expect me to pay for it.
3. They want action five times a night, and expect me to comply.
4. Their friends don't want me hanging around.
5. I don't understand most of their cultural references.
When the excitement of dating an older guy wears off, they usually move on to someone closer to their own age.
I need to impress Jimmy with something other than my physique and checkbook. How about a celebrity dating story? They usually impress guys.
But not my usual Michael J. Fox or Richard Dreyfuss: too old. Jimmy would get a blank expression and ask "Who?"
Who's famous now? Who have I been posting about on my blog recently?
The Goldbergs, Neil Diamond, Mickey Rooney, Kevin Zegers, a lot of Estonians, The Wizards of Waverly Place! The Disney Channel teencom (2007-2012) about a family of wizards in modern day New York, with innumerable gay subtexts and an endless supply of teenage beefcake.
"I made out with one of the stars of Wizards of Waverly Place!" I announce.
"Really?" Jimmy's eyes widen. "Which one? David Henrie? He's so hot I can't stand it, but isn't he homophobic? Not Jake T. Austin -- I know he's gay, but he's only -- what? Sixteen? I know -- Gregg Sulkin, the werewolf?"
The rest of the story, with nude photos and sexual situations, is on Tales of West Hollywood