It's fun being a twink magnet, but sometimes I long for the company of men my own age, men who remember dial phones and David Cassidy, who don't spend the entire evening texting and talking about Lego Star Wars, who don't initiate the bedroom activity by saying "Do me, Daddy!"
The problem is, here on the Plains, most of the out, open gay men over 40 have long since moved to the nearest gay neighborhood, leaving the closeted, skittish, newly out, and downlow. And they usually say "No one over 30" in their profiles!
"You're just not looking in the right places," Gabe, my vegan friend with the enormous penis, tells me.
"I get perved by older guys every five seconds," my sort-of boyfriend Dustin adds. "Want us to set you up with some?"
"Hookups or dates?"
He laughs. "Whichever you want. We can even share a malted down at the sock hop, if that's your bag, Daddy-O."
So Gabe and Dustin text a few old boyfriends and get on a few hookup apps, and before I know it, they've set up a week's worth of dates and hookups with bears, daddies, and silver foxes.
The full story, with nude photos and sexual situations, is on Tales of West Hollywood.